1
00:00:02,316 --> 00:00:05,808
[ Mid-tempo jazz plays,
vehicles passing ]

2
00:00:15,362 --> 00:00:16,886
[ lndistinct conversations ]

3
00:00:16,963 --> 00:00:19,090
Hey, guys,
life-centered comedy.

4
00:00:19,166 --> 00:00:20,565
Come on in .

5
00:00:20,634 --> 00:00:24,161
She weighed 1 ,200 pounds, and
the guy stayed married to her.

6
00:00:24,237 --> 00:00:25,534
Can you imagine that?

7
00:00:25,605 --> 00:00:28,130
''Honey, do you think
l look fat in this?''

8
00:00:28,208 --> 00:00:34,010
l have noticed that there is
a certain compulsion

9
00:00:34,081 --> 00:00:39,883
among stand-up comedians
to go onstage and perform .

10
00:00:39,953 --> 00:00:41,318
Yeah , unless you wanna go.

11
00:00:41,388 --> 00:00:42,582
lt's a real need .

12
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[ Applause ]

13
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What am l doing here?

14
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[ Laughter ]

15
00:00:47,127 --> 00:00:48,321
l made it!

16
00:00:48,395 --> 00:00:50,226
l had my own show!

17
00:00:50,297 --> 00:00:51,730
[ Laughter ]

18
00:00:51,798 --> 00:00:54,733
What did l do?

19
00:00:54,801 --> 00:00:56,701
l'm back here now!

20
00:00:56,770 --> 00:00:58,237
l screwed up.

21
00:00:58,305 --> 00:01:02,241
[ Up-tempo jazz plays ]

22
00:01:02,309 --> 00:01:03,401
Why are you here?

23
00:01:03,477 --> 00:01:05,308
Why am l here?
That's a good question .

24
00:01:05,379 --> 00:01:06,937
l could ask you
the same thing .

25
00:01:07,013 --> 00:01:10,005
Well , l did an HBO special
last year.

26
00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:12,210
l retired everything
l've ever written

27
00:01:12,285 --> 00:01:13,616
and wanted to start fresh .

28
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And you have just these couple
little things to hang on to.

29
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lt's very strange.
lt's very hard to get used to.

30
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l was in L.A. last week.

31
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Everyone's going , ''l'm not just
blowing smoke up your ass.''

32
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You know that expression?

33
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Hey, l really thought it was,
you know, it was good .

34
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,360
And l'm not just blowing smoke
up your ass.

35
00:01:29,436 --> 00:01:31,267
What is it about having smoke
blown up your ass. . .

36
00:01:31,338 --> 00:01:34,364
Yeah , l've got, like, two bits,
and the rest is. . .

37
00:01:34,441 --> 00:01:35,703
shit.

38
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[ Cheers and applause ]

39
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l tell ya, l could not fuck
around with these people,

40
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or l was going down ,
l knew it.

41
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But they were with you .

42
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That was -- like, you looked
like you were having fun .

43
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That's my job.

44
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[ Up-tempo jazz plays ]

45
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l just have no idea
what the curve is

46
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of when it's gonna be,
you know. . .

47
00:01:55,896 --> 00:01:56,988
something . . .

48
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that's like --
it feels like --

49
00:01:59,366 --> 00:02:01,459
like --
like it used to feel .

50
00:02:01,535 --> 00:02:02,934
When you're killing ,

51
00:02:03,003 --> 00:02:05,096
and while you're up there
killing , you're miserable,

52
00:02:05,172 --> 00:02:06,639
then it's back
where it used to be.

53
00:02:06,706 --> 00:02:08,105
When you're like,
''Ah , big deal .

54
00:02:08,175 --> 00:02:09,369
l made these idiots laugh .''

55
00:02:09,443 --> 00:02:10,933
[ Laughs ]

56
00:02:11,011 --> 00:02:13,809
l saw this lady today with
a little, uh -- what was it?

57
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,405
l don't even know the names of
these little dogs.

58
00:02:16,483 --> 00:02:17,882
The really little one.

59
00:02:17,951 --> 00:02:19,646
- Chihuahua.
- Shih tzu .
- Yorkies.

60
00:02:19,719 --> 00:02:21,016
No. l don't know.
l don't know.

61
00:02:21,087 --> 00:02:22,554
l wouldn't even know
if you said it.

62
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- Rat in a dog suit.
- lt doesn't matter.

63
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[ Laughter ]

64
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You really can just relax, sir.

65
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l'll take it from here.

66
00:02:31,431 --> 00:02:32,796
[ lndistinct conversations ]

67
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This place absolutely has that
unmistakable smell

68
00:02:38,371 --> 00:02:42,034
of every comedy club l went to
starting out in New York --

69
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that -- this kind of wood

70
00:02:43,777 --> 00:02:46,507
with , like, with alcohol ,
the cigarettes.

71
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l don't know what it is.

72
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lt's so distinctive.

73
00:02:49,449 --> 00:02:51,144
Colin Quinn , everyone!

74
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[ Cheers and applause ]

75
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l just love it.

76
00:02:54,921 --> 00:02:57,219
l love walking downstairs.

77
00:02:57,290 --> 00:02:59,155
Jerry Seinfeld !

78
00:02:59,226 --> 00:03:02,320
Go in there. lt's all crowded .
Everyone's perched .

79
00:03:02,395 --> 00:03:04,659
You just go on and grab the mike
and bust it out.

80
00:03:04,731 --> 00:03:05,720
You know what l mean?

81
00:03:05,799 --> 00:03:07,790
The bare essentials.

82
00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:09,995
lt's like Tyson fighting
with no socks --

83
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just his shorts and his shoes,
and that's it.

84
00:03:13,073 --> 00:03:14,836
lt is the smelly gym .

85
00:03:14,908 --> 00:03:16,239
Yeah .

86
00:03:16,309 --> 00:03:17,571
l love the conspiracy people.

87
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You always have the friends
that think

88
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they have the inside dope
on everything .

89
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l go to the movies
with my friend ,

90
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l go to reach for a straw --
the straw thing , you know --

91
00:03:25,252 --> 00:03:27,379
he goes, ''Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Never take the first straw.

92
00:03:27,454 --> 00:03:28,921
''Don't take
the top front straws.

93
00:03:28,989 --> 00:03:30,513
''Always take the straws
in the back.

94
00:03:30,590 --> 00:03:31,750
''My nephew used to work here.

95
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They rub their balls
on the straws.''

96
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[ Laughter ]

97
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They rub their balls
on the straws?

98
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''That's how they fuck around .''

99
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Really? That's a very nice way
to pass the time.

100
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He yells at the popcorn kid ,
''Don't give us from the top.

101
00:03:43,103 --> 00:03:45,537
''Underneath the top.
We don't want the top level .

102
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They jerk off in the popcorn .
My cousin used to work here.''

103
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He's like,
''Don't give us ginger ale.

104
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They piss in the ginger ale.
My brother used to work'' --

105
00:03:52,445 --> 00:03:54,379
Sounds like the problem might be
your relatives.

106
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lt's a real pleasure to bring
this next guy to the stage.

107
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lt's been a pleasure to watch
him grow in the last few months.

108
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:03,220
How about a big hand for
Jerry Seinfeld , everybody?

109
00:04:03,290 --> 00:04:06,191
[ Cheers and applause ]

110
00:04:15,669 --> 00:04:17,534
People always say to me,
''lt must be so easy.''

111
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lt's not easy.

112
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What's easy?

113
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For me, now, because
people know who l am .

114
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No, you get a little bit
of a break up front.

115
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You're goddamn right!

116
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[ Cheers and applause ]

117
00:04:30,383 --> 00:04:31,509
Yeah .

118
00:04:31,585 --> 00:04:33,780
And then , uh ,
you still gotta be funny.

119
00:04:33,853 --> 00:04:36,014
That's the beauty of stand-up,
though .

120
00:04:36,089 --> 00:04:38,785
That's the -- that's why
it's closest to justice.

121
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Not that it's just, ultimately,
but it's close to justice.

122
00:04:41,695 --> 00:04:43,629
Even Jack Nicholson ,
who everybody loves,

123
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if he's in the middle
of a comedy show,

124
00:04:45,298 --> 00:04:47,232
everybody'd give him
five minutes of grace.

125
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,029
And then they'd be like,
''Okay, Jack, you know,

126
00:04:49,102 --> 00:04:50,660
if you're not making us laugh ,
get going .''

127
00:04:50,737 --> 00:04:52,034
You know what l mean?

128
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He's the most beloved person
there is.

129
00:04:54,174 --> 00:04:55,106
Right.

130
00:04:55,175 --> 00:04:56,938
So, in the end ,
whatever it is --

131
00:04:57,010 --> 00:04:59,069
whether it's three days
or seven days --

132
00:04:59,145 --> 00:05:01,943
you're still irritated ,
still annoyed , still frustrated ,

133
00:05:02,015 --> 00:05:04,677
still hating the whole
experience all the way through .

134
00:05:04,751 --> 00:05:07,777
And , now, my point here. . .

135
00:05:07,854 --> 00:05:09,515
[ Laughter ]

136
00:05:09,589 --> 00:05:11,784
What is my point?

137
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God damn it.

138
00:05:19,165 --> 00:05:22,623
[ Laughter ]

139
00:05:22,702 --> 00:05:24,431
[ Groans ]

140
00:05:24,504 --> 00:05:26,472
[ Laughter ]

141
00:05:26,539 --> 00:05:30,976
l got off on that whole thing
about the number.

142
00:05:31,044 --> 00:05:33,205
Oh , damn it.

143
00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,645
l don't know.

144
00:05:35,715 --> 00:05:37,979
l don't know.

145
00:05:38,051 --> 00:05:40,645
What was it about?

146
00:05:45,058 --> 00:05:49,586
And it's -- l didn't even want
to say what l just said .

147
00:05:49,663 --> 00:05:51,324
That's the ugly part.

148
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,833
l don't remember.

149
00:05:56,903 --> 00:05:59,337
Anyway, there's something good
there about --

150
00:05:59,406 --> 00:06:00,703
WOMAN :
ls this your first gig?

151
00:06:00,774 --> 00:06:02,867
[ Laughter ]

152
00:06:02,942 --> 00:06:05,968
Yeah .
Yes, it is, actually.

153
00:06:06,046 --> 00:06:08,412
[ Laughter ]

154
00:06:08,481 --> 00:06:10,608
[ Applause ]

155
00:06:10,684 --> 00:06:12,675
No, l , uh --

156
00:06:12,752 --> 00:06:15,016
Well , you know, uh ,
doing all --

157
00:06:15,088 --> 00:06:18,353
all this stuff l have never said
before to anyone.

158
00:06:18,425 --> 00:06:19,722
These are thoughts.

159
00:06:19,793 --> 00:06:22,421
This is how comedians
develop material .

160
00:06:22,495 --> 00:06:25,293
And , uh , as you can see,
it's quite painful .

161
00:06:25,365 --> 00:06:26,992
[ Laughter ]

162
00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:28,329
The equivalent
for a normal person

163
00:06:28,401 --> 00:06:31,199
would be to go into work
in your underwear

164
00:06:31,271 --> 00:06:33,603
and try and do your job
that you normally do.

165
00:06:33,673 --> 00:06:35,766
All of a sudden ,
you can't do anything .

166
00:06:35,842 --> 00:06:38,572
That's how a comedian feels
when he's doing a new bit.

167
00:06:38,645 --> 00:06:41,239
l'll tell you what's funny --
that think-tank bit.

168
00:06:41,314 --> 00:06:42,975
- Oh , come on !
- What?

169
00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:44,380
That's so stupid .

170
00:06:44,451 --> 00:06:46,612
l would always --
l always thought this --

171
00:06:46,686 --> 00:06:49,018
l hear about these places
called a think tank.

172
00:06:49,089 --> 00:06:51,853
l mean , it's just really --
just a bunch of smart guys,

173
00:06:51,925 --> 00:06:54,792
and they bring in problems
and try and solve them , right?

174
00:06:54,861 --> 00:06:57,694
Nick Depaulo has a friend
who's in a think tank in Boston .

175
00:06:57,764 --> 00:06:58,958
Really?

176
00:06:59,032 --> 00:07:02,627
Nick, where's your friend --
where is he in a think tank?

177
00:07:02,702 --> 00:07:05,398
l can't believe that many people
have heard of a think tank.

178
00:07:05,472 --> 00:07:06,769
- [ Laughing ]
- l'm thinking here.

179
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,432
What do you think people say
when they go,

180
00:07:08,508 --> 00:07:09,941
''l can't even think''?

181
00:07:10,009 --> 00:07:11,408
They say,
''Wanna go for lunch?

182
00:07:11,478 --> 00:07:13,446
Just give me
two more minutes.''

183
00:07:13,513 --> 00:07:14,810
[ Laughing ]

184
00:07:14,881 --> 00:07:17,475
''All right.

185
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:18,778
''Let's get going .

186
00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:21,013
l just want to finish
this one thing .''

187
00:07:21,087 --> 00:07:23,055
He just sits there looking
at you .

188
00:07:23,123 --> 00:07:24,556
lt's in there.
lt's in there.

189
00:07:24,624 --> 00:07:27,752
lt would be kind of cool
if there was a submarine, too.

190
00:07:27,827 --> 00:07:29,658
Descend into the tank,
and we'll let you up.

191
00:07:29,729 --> 00:07:31,196
Well , that's the tank aspect
of it.

192
00:07:31,264 --> 00:07:32,629
Yeah .
And they won't let you up

193
00:07:32,699 --> 00:07:34,189
till you have, like,
five thoughts.

194
00:07:34,267 --> 00:07:35,461
''What do you got?''

195
00:07:35,535 --> 00:07:37,969
''Uh , what about, uh ,
a pair of shoes with'' --

196
00:07:38,037 --> 00:07:39,902
''No.'' Shut the door on you .

197
00:07:39,973 --> 00:07:41,736
So when you go
for the interview --

198
00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:43,867
He doesn't think.
lf you know how to think --

199
00:07:43,943 --> 00:07:45,968
You know, sometimes,
you just don't think.

200
00:07:46,045 --> 00:07:47,034
You just don't think.

201
00:07:47,113 --> 00:07:49,411
That's why they fire you .
They fire --

202
00:07:49,482 --> 00:07:52,110
''What do you mean
you're letting me go? Why?''

203
00:07:52,185 --> 00:07:54,619
''Because sometimes
you just don't think.''

204
00:07:54,687 --> 00:07:56,416
That is very funny.

205
00:07:56,489 --> 00:07:58,684
''lf you think that's thinking ,
you better think again .''

206
00:07:58,758 --> 00:08:00,692
''l swear, l'm racking
my brains.''

207
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,091
''That's what you think.''

208
00:08:02,162 --> 00:08:05,131
''Hey, Johnson ,
l see you sitting in there.''

209
00:08:05,198 --> 00:08:07,928
''l don't know
what you're thinking .''

210
00:08:08,001 --> 00:08:09,093
[ Laughter ]

211
00:08:09,169 --> 00:08:12,070
''To me, it's like you don't even
think sometimes!''

212
00:08:12,138 --> 00:08:14,504
''l swear, boss,
l'm racking my brains.''

213
00:08:14,574 --> 00:08:16,269
''Maybe that's what you think!''

214
00:08:16,342 --> 00:08:19,311
Mark my word , that think-tank
bit is gonna be big .

215
00:08:19,345 --> 00:08:20,607
- Yeah .
- [ Laughs ]

216
00:08:20,713 --> 00:08:22,112
[ vehicle horn honks ]

217
00:08:22,182 --> 00:08:24,742
Now, l've tried biking .
And don't bike in the city.

218
00:08:24,818 --> 00:08:26,308
Oh , no, don't do it.

219
00:08:26,386 --> 00:08:29,822
l just got a ticket for running
a red light on my bicycle.

220
00:08:29,889 --> 00:08:32,551
l got pulled over by a cop
on a bicycle.

221
00:08:32,625 --> 00:08:35,253
This guy's chasing me
for three blocks.

222
00:08:35,328 --> 00:08:37,660
He's like, ''Ring-ring !
Ring-ring !''

223
00:08:37,730 --> 00:08:38,662
[ Laughter ]

224
00:08:38,731 --> 00:08:40,164
''Move away from the bicycle.

225
00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:43,794
Move away from the bicycle!''

226
00:08:46,372 --> 00:08:48,237
See, l'm not 1 00%%% confident
about this stuff,

227
00:08:48,308 --> 00:08:49,707
and that's what kills me.

228
00:08:49,776 --> 00:08:51,710
lf you're not behind it 1 00%%% ,
you can't sell it.

229
00:08:51,778 --> 00:08:54,440
l tape all my shows because, uh ,
that way l can go home

230
00:08:54,514 --> 00:08:56,573
and see what works
and what doesn't work.

231
00:08:56,649 --> 00:08:58,913
[ lndistinct speaking
on television ]

232
00:08:58,985 --> 00:09:00,077
Back to you , Phil .

233
00:09:00,153 --> 00:09:01,347
[ Laughter ]

234
00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:03,389
Did l say ''Potatoes are good
for you'' twice?

235
00:09:03,456 --> 00:09:05,014
And my mind
does not stop writing ,

236
00:09:05,091 --> 00:09:06,820
and that's why
l'm up all night worried ,

237
00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:08,656
because l'm thinking
about all the jokes.

238
00:09:08,728 --> 00:09:10,423
You know, if l'm doing a show
on being Jewish ,

239
00:09:10,496 --> 00:09:11,793
l can pull out
the ''Jewish'' stuff.

240
00:09:11,865 --> 00:09:13,355
lf l want to do dating ,
here's ''Dating .''

241
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:14,525
''Old jokes to rotate in .''

242
00:09:14,601 --> 00:09:18,037
These are all screenplays
l've written .

243
00:09:18,104 --> 00:09:19,071
Look at that.

244
00:09:19,138 --> 00:09:20,833
These are all my journals.

245
00:09:20,907 --> 00:09:22,204
All my journals.

246
00:09:22,275 --> 00:09:24,243
lt's all here. lt's all here.
This is it.

247
00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:25,800
These are all jokes.

248
00:09:25,879 --> 00:09:28,006
These are jokes, jokes, jokes.

249
00:09:28,081 --> 00:09:30,174
l can't believe how much work
l've done.

250
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:31,945
l have dreams at night

251
00:09:32,018 --> 00:09:34,282
that -- that all the material
l've created

252
00:09:34,354 --> 00:09:36,845
is just gonna fall on me and
kill me and suffocate me.

253
00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:38,015
[ Groans ]

254
00:09:38,091 --> 00:09:40,855
[ lndistinct speaking
on television ]

255
00:09:40,927 --> 00:09:42,451
Ohh !

256
00:09:42,528 --> 00:09:44,291
''Ohh !''
l love that little dance.

257
00:09:44,364 --> 00:09:46,696
That's painful ,
watching yourself on tape.

258
00:09:46,766 --> 00:09:49,257
Even if you're doing well ,
you're like,

259
00:09:49,335 --> 00:09:54,398
''Damn , look at my -- look at the
way my hand moved or. . .''

260
00:09:54,474 --> 00:09:56,635
- Hey, Jerry.
- How you doing?

261
00:09:56,709 --> 00:09:57,801
Got it figured out?

262
00:09:57,877 --> 00:09:59,742
Now you've added more pressure
to my night.

263
00:09:59,812 --> 00:10:01,837
l was going to do
at least 7 0%%% new stuff,

264
00:10:01,915 --> 00:10:03,542
and at least a 1 00%%%
a new order,

265
00:10:03,616 --> 00:10:06,176
and open with something
l've never opened with before.

266
00:10:06,252 --> 00:10:07,685
- Really?
- Yes.

267
00:10:07,754 --> 00:10:08,686
Wow.

268
00:10:08,755 --> 00:10:09,687
[ Both laugh ]

269
00:10:09,756 --> 00:10:11,781
Not impressed , are you?

270
00:10:11,858 --> 00:10:14,656
No, l am .
l wouldn't do that.

271
00:10:14,727 --> 00:10:15,694
- Really?
- No.

272
00:10:15,762 --> 00:10:17,229
- Why is that?
- You're crazy.

273
00:10:17,297 --> 00:10:19,265
You're taking your life
in your hands.

274
00:10:19,332 --> 00:10:20,424
ls he bringing me up?

275
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:23,799
ls he?

276
00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:24,802
Poor guy.

277
00:10:24,871 --> 00:10:26,065
He's a goner.

278
00:10:26,139 --> 00:10:28,630
l realized today
when l walk by a cute girl ,

279
00:10:28,708 --> 00:10:31,768
9 times out of 1 0, l'll turn
around and look at her ass.

280
00:10:31,844 --> 00:10:33,106
And 1 0 times out of 1 0,

281
00:10:33,179 --> 00:10:36,239
she doesn't look around
to look at mine.

282
00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:38,079
And that's depressing .

283
00:10:38,151 --> 00:10:39,413
All right, l gotta go.

284
00:10:39,485 --> 00:10:40,952
Thank you very much , everybody.
Good night.

285
00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:42,612
Listen , everybody thinks you're
funny until you're funny,

286
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:44,554
and then they don't say
you're funny anymore.

287
00:10:44,624 --> 00:10:46,956
So when a comic comes up and
goes, ''You're really funny,''

288
00:10:47,026 --> 00:10:48,152
that means you're not funny.

289
00:10:48,227 --> 00:10:49,956
That's like you're
an open-miker.

290
00:10:50,029 --> 00:10:52,463
And then the minute
you get really funny, then --

291
00:10:52,532 --> 00:10:53,624
then they turn on you ,

292
00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:56,100
and the jealousy in this
business is ridiculous.

293
00:10:56,169 --> 00:10:58,603
And the amount of that
that l've had to battle --

294
00:10:58,671 --> 00:11:01,333
l mean , everyone's like, ''Orny's
so cocky, Orny's so this.''

295
00:11:01,407 --> 00:11:02,772
l'm just sure of myself,

296
00:11:02,842 --> 00:11:05,310
and l've never been
condescending to anybody else.

297
00:11:05,378 --> 00:11:06,936
Normally what l do
is l open with , like,

298
00:11:07,013 --> 00:11:07,980
three or four minutes,

299
00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:10,208
l do a couple of new stuff,
and then l go in , you know.

300
00:11:10,283 --> 00:11:11,716
That's the right way
to do it.

301
00:11:11,784 --> 00:11:13,718
You always need
to establish yourself,

302
00:11:13,786 --> 00:11:14,912
establish the audience,

303
00:11:14,988 --> 00:11:16,979
'cause you're
never really comfortable.

304
00:11:17,056 --> 00:11:19,786
Even though you may think you
are, you never really are.

305
00:11:19,859 --> 00:11:21,827
Right. l know.
But l thought l could --

306
00:11:21,894 --> 00:11:23,122
l did it the other night.

307
00:11:23,196 --> 00:11:25,960
Yeah , l've done it, too,
and it's still a mistake.

308
00:11:26,032 --> 00:11:27,897
Yeah .
Good luck following that.

309
00:11:27,967 --> 00:11:30,197
[ Loud cheers ]

310
00:11:33,139 --> 00:11:34,800
Fuck him .

311
00:11:34,874 --> 00:11:36,068
You know,
when Jerry gets up there,

312
00:11:36,142 --> 00:11:37,473
they're standing ,
they're on their feet.

313
00:11:37,543 --> 00:11:39,010
You know, l brought him up
the other night.

314
00:11:39,078 --> 00:11:40,375
Everyone stands up.

315
00:11:40,446 --> 00:11:41,777
l didn't know if they were
standing up

316
00:11:41,848 --> 00:11:43,179
because l was leaving
or he was coming ,

317
00:11:43,249 --> 00:11:44,341
but they stand up.

318
00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:47,079
very nice.
Thank you very much .

319
00:11:47,153 --> 00:11:48,984
[ Cheers and applause ]

320
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:51,717
Good job, Jerry.

321
00:11:51,791 --> 00:11:52,849
Whoo.

322
00:11:52,925 --> 00:11:54,790
Come on out.

323
00:11:54,861 --> 00:11:57,989
You can give --
Oh , here comes more advice.

324
00:11:58,064 --> 00:12:00,225
l think more important to me
is the celebrity.

325
00:12:00,299 --> 00:12:02,961
l would like to right now have
everybody in this restaurant

326
00:12:03,036 --> 00:12:05,004
looking at me going ,
''That is Orny Adams.

327
00:12:05,071 --> 00:12:06,595
''That is him .
That guy's funny.

328
00:12:06,672 --> 00:12:08,435
l really respect
what he does.''

329
00:12:08,508 --> 00:12:09,702
You get to a point,

330
00:12:09,776 --> 00:12:11,209
you're like, ''How much longer
can l take it?''

331
00:12:11,277 --> 00:12:13,108
ls time running out?
Are you out of time?

332
00:12:13,179 --> 00:12:14,237
l'm getting older.

333
00:12:14,313 --> 00:12:15,871
Please.

334
00:12:15,948 --> 00:12:17,609
l'm getting older.

335
00:12:17,683 --> 00:12:19,708
lt's odd .
Listen , l'm 29.

336
00:12:19,786 --> 00:12:23,222
l feel like l've sacrificed
so much of my life.

337
00:12:23,289 --> 00:12:25,052
The last three years
have been a blur.

338
00:12:25,124 --> 00:12:26,819
Do you have something else you
would rather have been doing?

339
00:12:26,893 --> 00:12:29,794
You got other appointments
or other places you gotta be?

340
00:12:29,862 --> 00:12:31,762
- Not necessarily, but --
- No, not necessarily.

341
00:12:31,831 --> 00:12:34,391
l see all my friends
are making a lot of money --

342
00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:36,230
a lot of money
on Wall Street.

343
00:12:36,302 --> 00:12:37,462
You what?

344
00:12:37,537 --> 00:12:40,301
l just see the --
like, my friends are --

345
00:12:40,373 --> 00:12:42,864
they're moving up,
and l'm worried --

346
00:12:42,942 --> 00:12:45,467
- They're moving up?
- They're moving up.

347
00:12:45,545 --> 00:12:47,103
Are you outta your mind?

348
00:12:47,180 --> 00:12:50,149
No, l'm not outta my mind .
l just, uh --

349
00:12:50,216 --> 00:12:53,379
This has nothing to do
with your friends.

350
00:12:53,453 --> 00:12:55,284
- l've upset you .
- No, no.

351
00:12:55,354 --> 00:12:56,821
This is a special thing .

352
00:12:56,889 --> 00:12:59,585
This has nothing to do
with making it or --

353
00:12:59,659 --> 00:13:02,787
Did you ever stop and compare
your life and go, ''Okay, l'm 29.

354
00:13:02,862 --> 00:13:05,092
''My friends are all married ,
they're all having kids,

355
00:13:05,164 --> 00:13:06,825
''they all have houses,

356
00:13:06,899 --> 00:13:08,764
they have some sort of sense
of normality.''

357
00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:10,234
Let me tell you a story.

358
00:13:10,303 --> 00:13:11,668
What do you tell
your parents?

359
00:13:11,737 --> 00:13:12,999
How do you deal with that?

360
00:13:13,072 --> 00:13:14,767
''What do you tell
your parents?''

361
00:13:14,841 --> 00:13:16,570
Yes. You know,
like how do you --

362
00:13:16,642 --> 00:13:20,134
This is your --

363
00:13:20,213 --> 00:13:22,943
Your parents?

364
00:13:23,015 --> 00:13:25,279
Let me tell you
a story about --

365
00:13:25,351 --> 00:13:27,649
This is my favorite story
about show business.

366
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:28,914
Glenn Miller's orchestra,

367
00:13:28,988 --> 00:13:30,853
they were doing some gigs
somewhere.

368
00:13:30,923 --> 00:13:33,016
They can't land where
they're supposed to land

369
00:13:33,092 --> 00:13:34,684
because it's winter,
snowy night.

370
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,887
So they have to land , like,
in this field

371
00:13:36,963 --> 00:13:38,089
and walk to the gig .

372
00:13:38,164 --> 00:13:39,859
And they're dressed
in their suits.

373
00:13:39,932 --> 00:13:40,956
They're ready to play.

374
00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:42,694
They're carrying
their instruments.

375
00:13:42,768 --> 00:13:44,531
So they're walking through
the snow,

376
00:13:44,604 --> 00:13:46,037
and it's wet
and it's slushy.

377
00:13:46,105 --> 00:13:48,335
And in the distance
they see this little house.

378
00:13:48,407 --> 00:13:50,102
And there's lights on
on the inside

379
00:13:50,176 --> 00:13:52,144
and this billow of smoke
coming out of the chimney.

380
00:13:52,211 --> 00:13:54,441
They go up to the house,
and they look in the window,

381
00:13:54,514 --> 00:13:56,573
and in the window,
they see this -- this family.

382
00:13:56,649 --> 00:13:58,708
There's a guy and his wife,
and she's beautiful .

383
00:13:58,784 --> 00:13:59,876
And there's two kids.

384
00:13:59,952 --> 00:14:01,715
And they're all sitting
around the table.

385
00:14:01,787 --> 00:14:04,017
And they're smiling , they're
laughing , and they're eating .

386
00:14:04,090 --> 00:14:05,717
And there's a fire
in the fireplace.

387
00:14:05,791 --> 00:14:07,850
And these guys are standing
there in their suits,

388
00:14:07,927 --> 00:14:09,622
and they're wet
and they're shivering ,

389
00:14:09,695 --> 00:14:11,219
they're holding
their instruments.

390
00:14:11,297 --> 00:14:12,491
And they're watching

391
00:14:12,565 --> 00:14:14,863
this incredible
Norman Rockwell scene.

392
00:14:14,934 --> 00:14:17,061
This one guy
turns to the other guy

393
00:14:17,136 --> 00:14:19,661
and goes, ''How do people
live like that?''

394
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,367
- That's what it's about.
- Right.

395
00:14:23,442 --> 00:14:24,704
lt was beautiful .

396
00:14:24,777 --> 00:14:26,108
And the advice that he gave me,

397
00:14:26,179 --> 00:14:28,579
just, it reassured me
of all the feelings that l have.

398
00:14:28,648 --> 00:14:29,910
That's the way l feel .

399
00:14:29,982 --> 00:14:31,916
Yes, Jerry,
l am doing something different.

400
00:14:31,984 --> 00:14:33,849
People are scared of me,
but you're right.

401
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,444
l should stand strong .

402
00:14:35,521 --> 00:14:38,319
And every time l hear that
from the industry,

403
00:14:38,391 --> 00:14:41,849
l'm just gonna think, ''Seinfeld
told me to stand strong .''

404
00:14:41,928 --> 00:14:43,828
[ Mid-tempo jazz plays ]

405
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:48,927
Were you a class clown-type
like George was?

406
00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:50,263
No.

407
00:14:50,336 --> 00:14:52,497
Well , when did you start
making people laugh?

408
00:14:52,572 --> 00:14:55,370
Well , l made friends laugh ,
but l never liked to --

409
00:14:55,441 --> 00:14:57,068
- Friends.
- Yeah .

410
00:14:57,143 --> 00:14:58,838
You were the funny guy
in the group.

411
00:14:58,911 --> 00:15:00,879
Well , everybody was funny.
Don't you think?

412
00:15:00,947 --> 00:15:03,347
When you were growing up,
everybody was funny.

413
00:15:03,416 --> 00:15:05,941
And then , at some point,
everybody went off and got jobs.

414
00:15:06,018 --> 00:15:09,215
Lenny Bruce and Robert Klein ,
really, was, like --

415
00:15:09,288 --> 00:15:10,448
and George Carlin .

416
00:15:10,523 --> 00:15:12,115
That's really the genesis

417
00:15:12,191 --> 00:15:14,887
of every comedian
you see working today.

418
00:15:14,961 --> 00:15:18,453
Everyone from my generation
wanted to be like this guy.

419
00:15:18,531 --> 00:15:22,194
Robert Klein -- how about
another round of applause?

420
00:15:22,268 --> 00:15:23,895
[ Cheers and applause ]

421
00:15:23,970 --> 00:15:29,670
My parents, uh ,
retired to South Florida.

422
00:15:29,742 --> 00:15:32,040
Uh , they're gone now,
but l'll tell you the truth ,

423
00:15:32,111 --> 00:15:33,703
l have a beef
with South Florida.

424
00:15:33,779 --> 00:15:35,212
l don't know what it is.

425
00:15:35,281 --> 00:15:40,150
l mean , l tell you ,
l'm sick about it! Bitter!

426
00:15:40,219 --> 00:15:45,156
l sent two healthy,
65-year-old retired parents

427
00:15:45,224 --> 00:15:47,715
to South Florida.

428
00:15:47,793 --> 00:15:50,421
30 years later, dead !

429
00:15:50,496 --> 00:15:53,363
[ Laughter and applause ]

430
00:15:56,302 --> 00:15:59,601
l mean , what is it --
the water, the air?

431
00:15:59,672 --> 00:16:02,163
lt's a death camp!

432
00:16:02,241 --> 00:16:05,301
They live in a very cozy place
called Section 2 1 .

433
00:16:05,378 --> 00:16:06,310
[ Laughter ]

434
00:16:06,379 --> 00:16:08,074
You're on the way down .

435
00:16:08,147 --> 00:16:09,273
[ Laughter ]

436
00:16:09,348 --> 00:16:11,339
Where can you go from the
biggest show of all time?

437
00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:13,442
That's the way it is.
You want to be a comedian --

438
00:16:13,519 --> 00:16:16,113
ls anybody here kind of thinking
about it at all ,

439
00:16:16,188 --> 00:16:17,746
maybe in the back of your mind?

440
00:16:17,823 --> 00:16:19,848
Yeah , just kind of thinking
about it?

441
00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:20,857
You , sir?

442
00:16:20,926 --> 00:16:22,393
[ Light laughter ]

443
00:16:22,461 --> 00:16:24,952
Well , this is what it is.

444
00:16:25,031 --> 00:16:28,899
l mean , you can't get bigger
than me.

445
00:16:28,968 --> 00:16:30,799
[ Loud laughter ]

446
00:16:30,870 --> 00:16:33,532
And look, l'm still shit. . .

447
00:16:33,606 --> 00:16:36,370
always shit.

448
00:16:36,442 --> 00:16:38,637
That is lesson number one.

449
00:16:38,711 --> 00:16:39,871
ln comedy. . .

450
00:16:39,945 --> 00:16:41,469
it's always shit.

451
00:16:41,547 --> 00:16:44,448
l fuckin' hate it.

452
00:16:44,517 --> 00:16:46,144
- You do?
- No, l don't.

453
00:16:46,218 --> 00:16:48,709
l just didn't have
a good set today.

454
00:16:48,788 --> 00:16:51,723
l made that rookie mistake of
opening with the new material

455
00:16:51,791 --> 00:16:54,282
'cause you're excited about it
and you want to try it,

456
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,884
but you're not ready
to do it.

457
00:16:55,961 --> 00:16:58,020
You want to make sure
you don't forget it,

458
00:16:58,097 --> 00:17:00,395
and you feel like --
almost like that new stuff

459
00:17:00,466 --> 00:17:02,434
is gonna open up
all this other new stuff

460
00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:04,435
where you know you'll do
30 new minutes.

461
00:17:04,503 --> 00:17:05,561
Right.

462
00:17:05,638 --> 00:17:07,833
The oldest delusion
in the book, right?

463
00:17:07,907 --> 00:17:09,340
Yup.

464
00:17:09,408 --> 00:17:11,808
You gotta go in there
and get them to go,

465
00:17:11,877 --> 00:17:13,469
''Oh , yeah ,
this guy is the man .''

466
00:17:13,546 --> 00:17:14,945
Then you can do
whatever you want.

467
00:17:15,014 --> 00:17:16,504
And then , suddenly,
you're not the man .

468
00:17:16,582 --> 00:17:18,174
And you know
they think you're not the man ,

469
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,047
or that's what you're thinking
they're thinking .

470
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:21,211
Exactly.

471
00:17:21,287 --> 00:17:23,346
They might not necessarily
think that,

472
00:17:23,422 --> 00:17:25,014
but in your mind ,
that's it.

473
00:17:25,091 --> 00:17:28,254
[ Slow-tempo jazz plays ]

474
00:17:33,599 --> 00:17:35,897
What l was saying to Colin
the other night,

475
00:17:35,968 --> 00:17:38,698
l said , ''l'm not gonna go out
Saturday night anymore.

476
00:17:38,771 --> 00:17:41,968
They're too juiced up
and all the date night.''

477
00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:43,702
He just set me straight.

478
00:17:43,776 --> 00:17:47,473
He said , ''No, it does not matter
what the audience is.

479
00:17:47,546 --> 00:17:50,344
Get up every night
anywhere you can . . .''

480
00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:51,906
Work, work, work,
work, work.

481
00:17:51,984 --> 00:17:53,781
''. . .early, late, good --
it doesn't matter.''

482
00:17:53,853 --> 00:17:56,014
And , of course, l went,
''Of course it doesn't matter.''

483
00:17:56,088 --> 00:17:57,749
When you're crafting an act,

484
00:17:57,823 --> 00:18:00,348
you need to see how
that material works

485
00:18:00,426 --> 00:18:03,224
in front of each different type
of situation .

486
00:18:03,295 --> 00:18:06,128
[ Harmonica plays ]

487
00:18:06,198 --> 00:18:08,189
Good . What's going on?

488
00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:10,462
T. Sean Shannon , everybody.

489
00:18:10,536 --> 00:18:11,730
Come on ! Yes!

490
00:18:11,804 --> 00:18:13,294
Yes! Yes!

491
00:18:13,372 --> 00:18:15,169
. . .his very funny
television show.

492
00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:17,903
Ladies and gentlemen , the one
and only Jerry Seinfeld !

493
00:18:17,977 --> 00:18:19,604
[ Cheers and applause ]

494
00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:25,447
l'd like to do another set.

495
00:18:25,518 --> 00:18:26,416
Jerry Seinfeld .

496
00:18:26,485 --> 00:18:29,977
[ Cheers and applause ]

497
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:35,092
" lf you want a dollar,
then here's what you must do "

498
00:18:35,161 --> 00:18:36,958
Jerry Seinfeld !

499
00:18:37,029 --> 00:18:39,293
[ Cheers and applause ]

500
00:18:40,499 --> 00:18:42,763
[ lndistinct conversation ]

501
00:18:45,404 --> 00:18:46,837
You gotta work.

502
00:18:46,906 --> 00:18:48,601
You gotta work it, work it,
work it, work it.

503
00:18:48,674 --> 00:18:50,801
Well , the mad cow disease
is back.

504
00:18:50,876 --> 00:18:52,673
What l love about it

505
00:18:52,745 --> 00:18:57,444
is that we find a way
to blame it on the cow.

506
00:18:57,516 --> 00:18:59,450
lt's not our fault.

507
00:18:59,518 --> 00:19:01,509
Those cows are nuts.

508
00:19:01,587 --> 00:19:03,020
[ Laughter ]

509
00:19:03,088 --> 00:19:04,350
l had a good , solid 20 minutes.

510
00:19:04,423 --> 00:19:07,256
20 minutes in three months
is a ton .

511
00:19:07,326 --> 00:19:09,624
Think about the concept --
a beauty contest.

512
00:19:09,695 --> 00:19:12,186
''You're very attractive.
l challenge you .''

513
00:19:12,264 --> 00:19:15,097
They have complete confidence
in that plastic.

514
00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:17,829
What do we know about the Glad
sandwich bag?

515
00:19:17,903 --> 00:19:20,701
Well , it keeps the sandwich
fresh .

516
00:19:20,773 --> 00:19:22,968
l'll pick up shit with it.

517
00:19:23,042 --> 00:19:24,236
20 minutes is not comedy.

518
00:19:24,310 --> 00:19:26,938
An hour, an hour and 1 5 minutes,
that's comedy, you know?

519
00:19:27,012 --> 00:19:29,310
You learn how to open ,
how to sustain ,

520
00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:31,212
how to pace.

521
00:19:31,283 --> 00:19:32,910
What are you doing?

522
00:19:32,985 --> 00:19:34,213
This weekend?

523
00:19:34,286 --> 00:19:35,480
Working here.

524
00:19:35,554 --> 00:19:37,146
[ Yawns ]

525
00:19:37,223 --> 00:19:39,521
But certain trends l'm looking
forward to come to an end .

526
00:19:39,592 --> 00:19:42,356
Ladies,
the outline around the lip. . .

527
00:19:42,428 --> 00:19:44,862
is over.

528
00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:47,057
l wish l could just say
to all the women

529
00:19:47,132 --> 00:19:50,192
on behalf of the men
of planet Earth ,

530
00:19:50,269 --> 00:19:52,965
we see your lips!

531
00:19:53,038 --> 00:19:54,596
That's why l'm doing this.

532
00:19:54,673 --> 00:19:55,833
l'm scared .

533
00:19:55,908 --> 00:19:58,138
That l'm not gonna be able
to do it anymore

534
00:19:58,210 --> 00:20:00,735
if l don't keep doing it,
that it might leave me.

535
00:20:00,813 --> 00:20:04,340
" Looks so natural ,
no one can tell "

536
00:20:04,416 --> 00:20:05,576
" Looks so natural "

537
00:20:05,651 --> 00:20:08,051
You ever heard of this product
''Just For Men''?

538
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,678
- Yes.
- lt takes away the gray.

539
00:20:09,755 --> 00:20:11,416
" No one can . . . "

540
00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:12,980
l love the commercial
for Hair Color For Men .

541
00:20:13,058 --> 00:20:14,252
Did you ever see it?
With the song .

542
00:20:14,326 --> 00:20:17,124
" Looks so natural ,
no one can tell "

543
00:20:17,196 --> 00:20:20,029
Everyone can tell .

544
00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:22,567
l meant to time that set,
but l'm definitely feeling

545
00:20:22,635 --> 00:20:24,193
like l've got a very solid
30 minutes.

546
00:20:24,270 --> 00:20:26,101
Are you gonna go on first,
or are you gonna wait?

547
00:20:26,171 --> 00:20:27,035
l'll wait.

548
00:20:27,106 --> 00:20:28,835
l thought there was
so much more here.

549
00:20:28,908 --> 00:20:30,205
Hold on .
l'm getting to it.

550
00:20:30,276 --> 00:20:32,335
Don't you push me around here,
folks.

551
00:20:32,411 --> 00:20:34,276
Do they still get drunk
Friday night, second show?

552
00:20:34,346 --> 00:20:35,540
lt's better
than it used to be,

553
00:20:35,614 --> 00:20:37,047
but tonight was kind of
getting there.

554
00:20:37,116 --> 00:20:38,879
l wouldn't want to go on now,
l'll tell you that.

555
00:20:38,951 --> 00:20:40,248
No, just go.

556
00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:42,719
They kicked me out of your club
tonight twice.

557
00:20:42,788 --> 00:20:44,756
Well , it's not my club,
it's theirs,

558
00:20:44,823 --> 00:20:47,053
and it looks like it's gonna
happen again .

559
00:20:47,126 --> 00:20:49,560
[ Laughter ]

560
00:20:49,628 --> 00:20:53,758
" Looks so natural ,
no one can tell "

561
00:20:53,832 --> 00:20:57,063
" You are drunk "

562
00:20:57,136 --> 00:20:59,229
You guys clap when he's mean .

563
00:20:59,305 --> 00:21:01,637
No one can tell .

564
00:21:01,707 --> 00:21:04,107
When l'm mean , you guys are
like, ''Oh , what a dick!''

565
00:21:04,176 --> 00:21:07,077
" One, two --
one, two, three "

566
00:21:07,146 --> 00:21:08,977
Where are you from?

567
00:21:10,149 --> 00:21:11,241
Nice to meet you .

568
00:21:11,317 --> 00:21:12,909
Oh , okay.
Hi , how are you doing?

569
00:21:12,985 --> 00:21:13,917
Okay.

570
00:21:13,986 --> 00:21:14,918
How's it going , Jerry?

571
00:21:14,987 --> 00:21:15,976
Good , how are you doing?

572
00:21:16,055 --> 00:21:17,818
Yeah , we just shook.

573
00:21:17,890 --> 00:21:19,414
Nice to meet you .

574
00:21:19,491 --> 00:21:20,515
We just shook.

575
00:21:20,593 --> 00:21:22,754
Why do we have to do it
again?

576
00:21:22,828 --> 00:21:24,728
Folks comin' in late, yeah .

577
00:21:24,797 --> 00:21:26,526
Y'all just missed
Jerry Seinfeld .

578
00:21:26,599 --> 00:21:29,534
How fucked up do you feel now?

579
00:21:29,602 --> 00:21:31,126
How bad do you feel?!

580
00:21:31,203 --> 00:21:33,330
How much new stuff you got?

581
00:21:33,405 --> 00:21:35,600
l got about, uh , 40 minutes.

582
00:21:35,674 --> 00:21:37,107
- Really?
- Yeah .

583
00:21:37,176 --> 00:21:39,076
And you're happy
with all of it?

584
00:21:39,144 --> 00:21:41,669
l think -- l mean ,
l started with nothing .

585
00:21:41,747 --> 00:21:42,679
l know.

586
00:21:42,748 --> 00:21:43,737
And so, it was like --

587
00:21:43,816 --> 00:21:45,613
When you started
with nothing ,

588
00:21:45,684 --> 00:21:47,914
when you --
when you just erased it all ,

589
00:21:47,987 --> 00:21:49,454
the first time you went on ,

590
00:21:49,521 --> 00:21:51,489
you had , like, what,
five minutes?

591
00:21:51,557 --> 00:21:53,491
Five minutes, yeah .
lt was awful .

592
00:21:53,559 --> 00:21:54,787
And you just --
you didn't say,

593
00:21:54,860 --> 00:21:57,727
''Let me do one old joke
to get a laugh and then l'll'' --

594
00:21:57,796 --> 00:21:58,490
No.

595
00:21:58,564 --> 00:21:59,531
- Really?
- No.

596
00:21:59,598 --> 00:22:00,895
lt's only, actually --

597
00:22:00,966 --> 00:22:03,264
l've been doing it
about four months.

598
00:22:03,335 --> 00:22:05,929
lt's only been , l would say,
the past month

599
00:22:06,005 --> 00:22:07,495
that l'm actually starting

600
00:22:07,573 --> 00:22:09,700
to feel comfortable
going onstage. . .

601
00:22:09,775 --> 00:22:12,676
not having that
not-good feeling going up

602
00:22:12,745 --> 00:22:13,871
''This might not work,''

603
00:22:13,946 --> 00:22:15,880
which , you know,
l haven't had for years.

604
00:22:15,948 --> 00:22:18,348
That feeling of ''l don't know
if this is gonna work.''

605
00:22:18,450 --> 00:22:19,542
Yeah .

606
00:22:19,585 --> 00:22:21,610
l'm trying
to get it together now.

607
00:22:21,687 --> 00:22:24,713
l'd like -- l'd like to,
you know, two months from now,

608
00:22:24,790 --> 00:22:27,520
l think, l should be able
to go to work somewhere

609
00:22:27,593 --> 00:22:28,958
and do 45 minutes.

610
00:22:29,028 --> 00:22:30,893
So, does it feel like
the old act, George?

611
00:22:30,963 --> 00:22:32,692
Oh , well ,
it's not quite the old act,

612
00:22:32,765 --> 00:22:34,665
but it's, uh ,
you're certainly on your way.

613
00:22:34,733 --> 00:22:37,327
l mean , the progress that you
made in four months is amazing .

614
00:22:37,403 --> 00:22:38,335
Yeah .

615
00:22:38,404 --> 00:22:40,395
The old act, you know,
that was --

616
00:22:40,472 --> 00:22:42,997
you started when you were 2 1 ,
22 years old .

617
00:22:43,075 --> 00:22:44,474
Yeah , right, right.

618
00:22:44,543 --> 00:22:46,841
lt's very close to
a marriage-type relationship.

619
00:22:46,912 --> 00:22:48,846
- Good . Nice to see you .
- Nice to see you .

620
00:22:48,914 --> 00:22:52,213
My oldest client's Carl Reiner,
and he's 7 8.

621
00:22:52,284 --> 00:22:53,444
That's right.

622
00:22:53,519 --> 00:22:54,508
[ Laughter ]

623
00:22:54,586 --> 00:22:56,247
- George Burns, he was 1 00.
- That's right.

624
00:22:56,321 --> 00:22:58,721
But Jerry's gonna work --
do a date when he's 1 00.

625
00:22:58,791 --> 00:23:00,418
Did you book it already?

626
00:23:00,492 --> 00:23:01,720
l didn't -- What?

627
00:23:01,794 --> 00:23:03,352
Did you book that yet?

628
00:23:03,429 --> 00:23:06,421
lt's gonna be the Palladium .
We're talking .

629
00:23:06,498 --> 00:23:07,760
[ Laughter ]

630
00:23:07,833 --> 00:23:11,667
We're gonna lock it up
while l'm still --

631
00:23:11,737 --> 00:23:13,705
while l'm still here.

632
00:23:13,772 --> 00:23:16,366
Can you believe you're in charge
of deciding

633
00:23:16,442 --> 00:23:19,002
whether our brilliant ideas
are good or not?

634
00:23:19,078 --> 00:23:22,514
All these talented people,
all these -- money, Tv credits,

635
00:23:22,581 --> 00:23:24,014
and they come up here,

636
00:23:24,083 --> 00:23:27,541
and you get to decide what's
good and what's not good ,

637
00:23:27,619 --> 00:23:28,881
and we believe you .

638
00:23:28,954 --> 00:23:31,548
And what the hell do you know
about it?

639
00:23:31,623 --> 00:23:33,215
Nothing .

640
00:23:33,292 --> 00:23:34,884
You know nothing .

641
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,394
You've never written a joke.

642
00:23:37,463 --> 00:23:40,023
Most of you aren't funny. . .
probably all of you .

643
00:23:40,099 --> 00:23:42,226
You wouldn't be here
if you were funny.

644
00:23:42,301 --> 00:23:44,201
You wouldn't need
to come to this.

645
00:23:44,269 --> 00:23:46,669
But just think
of how you would feel ,

646
00:23:46,739 --> 00:23:50,140
you know, if l came into your
office and said , you know,

647
00:23:50,209 --> 00:23:53,337
''l don't like the things you say
at these meetings.

648
00:23:53,412 --> 00:23:56,108
''l don't know anything
about your business,

649
00:23:56,181 --> 00:23:59,116
''l don't have a reason ,
l don't even work here.

650
00:23:59,184 --> 00:24:00,776
''l just thought l'd come in
off the street

651
00:24:00,853 --> 00:24:04,084
and give you
a piece of my mind .''

652
00:24:04,156 --> 00:24:06,556
''And what gives me
the authority?

653
00:24:06,625 --> 00:24:08,092
l bought two drinks.''

654
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:09,684
[ Laughter ]

655
00:24:09,762 --> 00:24:12,322
[ Piano plays slowly ]

656
00:24:21,340 --> 00:24:24,241
[ lndistinct conversations ]

657
00:24:30,015 --> 00:24:33,451
l don't really believe
in the festivals.

658
00:24:33,519 --> 00:24:35,350
l think l have talent.

659
00:24:35,420 --> 00:24:37,581
[ vehicles passing ]

660
00:24:39,691 --> 00:24:42,854
l don't have a manager.
l don't have an agent.

661
00:24:42,928 --> 00:24:44,327
l don't have a deal .

662
00:24:44,396 --> 00:24:46,023
l don't have any access to L.A.

663
00:24:46,098 --> 00:24:48,498
You know, Jerry's saying ,
''Go to L.A. , go to L.A.''

664
00:24:48,567 --> 00:24:49,829
This will get me to --

665
00:24:49,902 --> 00:24:52,063
lf l go to Montreal ,
and l have a good set --

666
00:24:52,137 --> 00:24:54,332
and l can't see
how l can't have a good set

667
00:24:54,406 --> 00:24:55,839
at this point in my career.

668
00:24:55,908 --> 00:24:56,875
l real-- l can't.

669
00:24:56,942 --> 00:24:59,137
lt's inconceivable to me
at this point.

670
00:24:59,211 --> 00:25:01,076
This is, like,
a huge opportunity,

671
00:25:01,146 --> 00:25:03,740
but in the scheme of life,
l'm the one with talent.

672
00:25:03,816 --> 00:25:04,942
They have a festival ,

673
00:25:05,017 --> 00:25:07,383
and yet they're making
my goddamn knees weak.

674
00:25:07,452 --> 00:25:10,353
l've mastered the art.
l am ready.

675
00:25:10,422 --> 00:25:12,617
l just went in ,
and l looked at the stage.

676
00:25:12,691 --> 00:25:15,159
lt's like it's a woman .
l just want to mount it.

677
00:25:15,227 --> 00:25:17,457
l just wanna get on that stage
and destroy.

678
00:25:17,529 --> 00:25:19,087
Mr. Orny Adams, everybody.

679
00:25:19,164 --> 00:25:20,153
[ Applause ]

680
00:25:23,902 --> 00:25:24,994
Thank you .

681
00:25:25,070 --> 00:25:27,937
Let me just give a little advice
to the industry.

682
00:25:28,006 --> 00:25:29,803
Stretch before
l go up on stage.

683
00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:32,173
'Cause when you come running
after me,

684
00:25:32,244 --> 00:25:35,008
l don't want you to pull
a muscle or something .

685
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:36,604
Last year,
l thought l had lupus.

686
00:25:36,682 --> 00:25:38,343
Has that happened to you yet?

687
00:25:38,417 --> 00:25:39,406
[ Laughter ]

688
00:25:39,484 --> 00:25:41,315
l was on the bus,
and there was an ad --

689
00:25:41,386 --> 00:25:43,377
''Chances are, somebody on
the bus has lupus.''

690
00:25:45,224 --> 00:25:47,886
l look around ,
l'm the only one on the bus.

691
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,723
Two nights in a row
of not sleeping .

692
00:25:49,795 --> 00:25:51,160
Frantic, nervous energy.

693
00:25:51,230 --> 00:25:52,663
l go to sleep for like
a half-hour.

694
00:25:52,731 --> 00:25:53,891
l wake up.
l turn the Tv on .

695
00:25:53,966 --> 00:25:55,456
l get bored of the Tv.
l shut it off.

696
00:25:55,534 --> 00:25:56,899
l put on music.
l shut that off.

697
00:25:56,969 --> 00:25:58,732
l go back to Tv.
l lie down for 1 0 minutes.

698
00:25:58,804 --> 00:26:00,066
l get up.
You know, it's nuts.

699
00:26:00,138 --> 00:26:02,732
l do some writing ,
and l'm relaxed .

700
00:26:02,808 --> 00:26:04,537
l'm single. . .by choice.

701
00:26:04,610 --> 00:26:05,542
Whoo!

702
00:26:05,611 --> 00:26:06,908
Not my choice.

703
00:26:06,979 --> 00:26:08,503
[ Clears throat ]

704
00:26:08,580 --> 00:26:11,174
Apparently, the women had
a meeting behind my back.

705
00:26:11,250 --> 00:26:12,774
l got blacklisted or something .

706
00:26:12,851 --> 00:26:13,783
WOMAN : Gay?

707
00:26:13,852 --> 00:26:16,218
No. Thank you for asking ,
though .

708
00:26:16,288 --> 00:26:18,051
l appreciate that.

709
00:26:18,123 --> 00:26:19,385
''Are you gay?''

710
00:26:19,458 --> 00:26:23,292
No. Shut the fuck up
and let me do my routine.

711
00:26:23,362 --> 00:26:26,695
Twice in two weeks, and l've
never, ever had that before.

712
00:26:26,765 --> 00:26:29,632
People think they look so cool
on their cellphones, don't they?

713
00:26:29,701 --> 00:26:30,963
Everybody's so cool ,

714
00:26:31,036 --> 00:26:32,628
especially the people
still talking

715
00:26:32,704 --> 00:26:35,571
on the first cellphones
ever made.

716
00:26:35,641 --> 00:26:39,634
These people are walking around
like, ''Oh , yeah , look at me!''

717
00:26:39,711 --> 00:26:41,144
[ Laughter and applause ]

718
00:26:41,213 --> 00:26:44,740
''Oh , yeah .
l work on Wall Street. Yeah .

719
00:26:44,816 --> 00:26:46,215
''Oh , what's that?

720
00:26:46,285 --> 00:26:50,244
''Hang on a second .
Let me put the antenna up.

721
00:26:50,322 --> 00:26:53,780
Excuse me, excuse me.''

722
00:26:53,859 --> 00:26:55,827
[ Cheers and applause ]

723
00:26:55,894 --> 00:26:57,054
Good night, everybody.

724
00:26:57,129 --> 00:26:58,391
[ Cheers and applause ]

725
00:27:01,199 --> 00:27:02,928
Then l walked offstage
and l went like this

726
00:27:03,001 --> 00:27:04,400
to the Montreal people

727
00:27:04,469 --> 00:27:05,993
'cause they gave me a wink
and the thumbs-up.

728
00:27:06,071 --> 00:27:08,130
Hi , Mom . lt's your son .

729
00:27:08,206 --> 00:27:09,264
Good . Good .

730
00:27:09,341 --> 00:27:11,639
l was just officially told
l got it.

731
00:27:11,710 --> 00:27:13,041
Yeah , so. . .

732
00:27:13,111 --> 00:27:15,841
Yes, you can tell people,
you can book airline tickets,

733
00:27:15,914 --> 00:27:18,576
you can do whatever you want --
l'm going to Montreal .

734
00:27:18,650 --> 00:27:20,083
[ Laughs ]

735
00:27:20,152 --> 00:27:23,019
l got up there and l said one --
l go, ''l'm single by choice.''

736
00:27:23,088 --> 00:27:25,556
And this girl goes,
''Maybe you're gay.''

737
00:27:25,624 --> 00:27:27,785
l know. Bunch of animals.

738
00:27:27,859 --> 00:27:29,087
Bunch of animals.

739
00:27:29,161 --> 00:27:31,288
All right. Bye-bye.
Love you too.

740
00:27:31,363 --> 00:27:32,625
[ Horn honks ]

741
00:27:32,698 --> 00:27:34,563
Running out of people to call .

742
00:27:36,668 --> 00:27:38,659
lt's delicate
between who you can --

743
00:27:38,737 --> 00:27:41,171
who you call and who
you're rubbing it in to.

744
00:27:49,715 --> 00:27:52,149
Everybody's away.

745
00:27:52,217 --> 00:27:54,845
l can never be happy.

746
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,514
l'm -- l'm unhappy again ,
everybody.

747
00:27:57,589 --> 00:27:58,817
Oh , God .

748
00:27:58,890 --> 00:28:01,290
Somebody -- Somebody is gonna
have to marry me.

749
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:02,918
Do you realize
there is some girl

750
00:28:02,995 --> 00:28:04,462
out there right now
having fun ,

751
00:28:04,529 --> 00:28:06,554
and she doesn't even realize
she has to spend

752
00:28:06,631 --> 00:28:08,531
[ Laughing ] the rest
of her life with me.

753
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,568
[ Laughing ]

754
00:28:13,872 --> 00:28:16,534
She's out there right now,
enjoying life,

755
00:28:16,608 --> 00:28:19,133
not realizing
the rest of it's with me.

756
00:28:19,211 --> 00:28:20,337
Hey, honey?

757
00:28:20,412 --> 00:28:22,676
l hope
you're having fun now

758
00:28:22,748 --> 00:28:25,342
'cause it's all coming
to an end .

759
00:28:25,417 --> 00:28:28,215
l was happy for, what,
four minutes?

760
00:28:28,286 --> 00:28:31,312
l made 55 phone calls
in four minutes. . .

761
00:28:31,390 --> 00:28:33,415
and now l'm miserable again .

762
00:28:33,492 --> 00:28:37,087
l never felt pain
until l started doing comedy.

763
00:28:37,162 --> 00:28:40,427
[ lntroduction to ''Love and
Happiness'' by Al Green plays ]

764
00:28:40,499 --> 00:28:43,263
" Love and happiness "

765
00:28:43,335 --> 00:28:45,997
[ lndistinct talking ]

766
00:28:46,071 --> 00:28:47,971
" Something's going wrong "

767
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,406
Oh , they're done. Shit.

768
00:28:50,475 --> 00:28:53,535
What about Carolines?
Think they're still working?

769
00:28:53,612 --> 00:28:55,671
Yeah , is the show
still working?

770
00:28:55,747 --> 00:28:58,307
Um , no, actually,
the show is almost over.

771
00:28:58,383 --> 00:29:00,749
Oh , right.
Can l still get on?

772
00:29:00,819 --> 00:29:03,117
[ Laughter and applause ]

773
00:29:03,688 --> 00:29:04,950
[ Cheering ]

774
00:29:05,023 --> 00:29:07,389
" Love and happiness "

775
00:29:09,361 --> 00:29:11,420
These comedians,
they always complain --

776
00:29:11,496 --> 00:29:14,021
''l can't go up now.

777
00:29:14,099 --> 00:29:15,225
l can't follow this.''

778
00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:17,393
How bizarre
is this evening now?

779
00:29:17,469 --> 00:29:19,130
[ Cheering ]

780
00:29:19,204 --> 00:29:21,468
You thought it was
pretty bizarre, didn't you?

781
00:29:21,540 --> 00:29:23,474
This guy's dancing around

782
00:29:23,542 --> 00:29:25,066
with a G-string on and wigs.

783
00:29:25,143 --> 00:29:28,112
ls there anything more different
from me than that?

784
00:29:28,180 --> 00:29:29,545
[ lndistinct talking ]

785
00:29:29,614 --> 00:29:31,013
And it was fine.

786
00:29:31,083 --> 00:29:35,076
What is this urge to get
information we already have?

787
00:29:35,153 --> 00:29:36,415
Whenever l'm in a car

788
00:29:36,488 --> 00:29:38,319
and l drive by
a mirrored office building ,

789
00:29:38,390 --> 00:29:40,483
l look in the reflection
to see if l'm in the car.

790
00:29:40,559 --> 00:29:42,925
- [ Laughter ]
- Whoo!

791
00:29:42,994 --> 00:29:45,258
This is information
l already have.

792
00:29:45,330 --> 00:29:48,322
What am l looking for?
Why am l checking?

793
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,493
And what would l do
if l looked and l saw

794
00:29:50,569 --> 00:29:53,094
that there was a small
Korean woman driving my car?

795
00:29:53,171 --> 00:29:55,435
[ Laughter and applause ]

796
00:29:57,008 --> 00:29:59,738
l don't know
what l would do then .

797
00:29:59,811 --> 00:30:02,177
l would have to stop
the car. . .

798
00:30:02,247 --> 00:30:04,613
get out,
go up to the reflection . . .

799
00:30:04,683 --> 00:30:06,548
and if it was still
a small Korean woman ,

800
00:30:06,618 --> 00:30:08,245
go, ''All right.
l stand corrected .

801
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:09,719
[ Laughter ]

802
00:30:09,788 --> 00:30:13,690
''Apparently,
l am a small Korean woman .

803
00:30:13,758 --> 00:30:15,191
Who wants a manicure?''

804
00:30:15,260 --> 00:30:16,818
[ Laughter ]

805
00:30:16,895 --> 00:30:17,919
Thank you very much .

806
00:30:17,996 --> 00:30:19,054
Those people, you know,

807
00:30:19,131 --> 00:30:21,395
they came here to see
Angel Salazar.

808
00:30:21,466 --> 00:30:24,196
lt's late --
tired , finished .

809
00:30:24,269 --> 00:30:26,635
lf -- lf something is good ,
it's good .

810
00:30:26,705 --> 00:30:28,935
[ Up-tempo music plays ]

811
00:30:36,882 --> 00:30:38,315
Here we go.

812
00:30:38,383 --> 00:30:39,372
Thank God .

813
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,753
l'm gonna meet with the guy
who's gonna change my life.

814
00:30:44,823 --> 00:30:46,313
George Shapiro.

815
00:30:46,391 --> 00:30:48,552
You don't expect to ever meet
George Shapiro.

816
00:30:48,627 --> 00:30:49,924
You don't expect to ever be

817
00:30:49,995 --> 00:30:51,826
taken out to dinner
by George Shapiro.

818
00:30:51,897 --> 00:30:54,365
You don't expect George Shapiro
to be interested in you .

819
00:30:54,432 --> 00:30:56,457
l mean , George Shapiro
has worked with

820
00:30:56,535 --> 00:30:59,504
some of the best talent
in the last, you know,

821
00:30:59,571 --> 00:31:02,836
30 or whatever years
that he's been in the business.

822
00:31:02,908 --> 00:31:04,739
So, we're gonna meet Orny.

823
00:31:04,809 --> 00:31:06,276
The best comics in the world

824
00:31:06,344 --> 00:31:08,938
are the comics that, you know,
get their material

825
00:31:09,014 --> 00:31:10,675
from their heart
and their soul .

826
00:31:10,749 --> 00:31:13,149
And he seems
to have done that.

827
00:31:13,218 --> 00:31:15,448
You know, he did ''Seinfeld .''
Cool .

828
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,852
But was it luck?
Who knows, you know?

829
00:31:17,923 --> 00:31:21,324
You know, lightning's got to
strike twice in this business

830
00:31:21,393 --> 00:31:22,826
for you to be a legend .

831
00:31:22,894 --> 00:31:25,863
l mean , he's already a legend ,
but, l mean , to be, you know. . .

832
00:31:25,931 --> 00:31:28,798
Here we are -- midtown !
This is where it all happens.

833
00:31:28,867 --> 00:31:30,129
Showtime!

834
00:31:30,202 --> 00:31:32,727
l don't know
what he's looking for.

835
00:31:32,804 --> 00:31:35,932
You know, he's probably meeting
several people.

836
00:31:36,007 --> 00:31:39,135
l want George
to walk up to me and go. . .

837
00:31:39,211 --> 00:31:40,576
''Let's dance.''

838
00:31:40,645 --> 00:31:42,840
l see it on the left.
See that sign that says ''Bice''?

839
00:31:44,416 --> 00:31:47,146
''The '80s still thrive at this
pricey midtown northern-ltalian

840
00:31:47,219 --> 00:31:49,244
serving power pastas
to beautiful people --''

841
00:31:49,321 --> 00:31:51,221
that's me --
''on expense accounts --''

842
00:31:51,289 --> 00:31:53,655
that's George --
''and Eurotrash .

843
00:31:53,725 --> 00:31:55,750
''lt's a stylish ,
if no longer trendy, scene

844
00:31:55,827 --> 00:31:57,624
that critics call --''
oh , l love this --

845
00:31:57,696 --> 00:32:00,494
'''overpriced , overhyped ,

846
00:32:00,565 --> 00:32:01,930
over-everything .'''

847
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,262
Bring it on .

848
00:32:06,838 --> 00:32:09,204
We had a very nice,
long dinner,

849
00:32:09,274 --> 00:32:12,732
and the upswing is George has
offered to manage me.

850
00:32:12,811 --> 00:32:13,903
He said , you know,

851
00:32:13,979 --> 00:32:16,140
''We're -- We're very interested .
We think that --''

852
00:32:16,214 --> 00:32:17,772
And this is after hours
of just --

853
00:32:17,849 --> 00:32:19,874
We went over everything --
our philosophies --

854
00:32:19,951 --> 00:32:21,213
uh , philosophies on integrity,

855
00:32:21,286 --> 00:32:23,049
how do we think
we would work together,

856
00:32:23,121 --> 00:32:24,850
what they would do
as far as Montreal ,

857
00:32:24,923 --> 00:32:26,390
as far as, like, deals --

858
00:32:26,458 --> 00:32:28,119
how to, you know --
how to go through each deal

859
00:32:28,193 --> 00:32:29,785
and find out
which is right for me.

860
00:32:29,861 --> 00:32:34,230
l-l had all sorts of concerns,
and l voiced them differently.

861
00:32:34,299 --> 00:32:36,961
Like, l would say. . .

862
00:32:37,035 --> 00:32:38,798
''Now, a lot of people
would say

863
00:32:38,870 --> 00:32:40,838
''George Shapiro
has too much money.

864
00:32:40,905 --> 00:32:42,338
He doesn't care.''

865
00:32:42,407 --> 00:32:45,171
l said , you know, ''What's your
motivation to get behind me?''

866
00:32:45,243 --> 00:32:49,202
And , uh , he said three words --
uh -- ''love of comedy'' --

867
00:32:49,281 --> 00:32:52,842
that he loves comedy
and that he sees my integrity

868
00:32:52,917 --> 00:32:54,248
and the way l work. . .

869
00:32:54,319 --> 00:32:55,479
Okay, this is good .

870
00:32:55,553 --> 00:32:57,111
l'm gonna go up --

871
00:32:57,188 --> 00:32:59,315
lt's good to finish
the interview with him .

872
00:32:59,391 --> 00:33:01,552
Don't you think?
lt's awkward .

873
00:33:01,626 --> 00:33:04,117
We're gonna go upstairs.
l'll be upstairs in room 7 0 7.

874
00:33:04,195 --> 00:33:05,321
Oh , really? That's. . .

875
00:33:05,397 --> 00:33:06,659
l want to hear the game.

876
00:33:06,731 --> 00:33:08,358
Oh , you can't hear?

877
00:33:08,433 --> 00:33:09,957
Well , you know,
l feel silly.

878
00:33:10,035 --> 00:33:12,060
Uh , okay, l'm gonna be
on the other side.

879
00:33:12,137 --> 00:33:14,503
So if you need me, call me.
You do the interview.

880
00:33:14,572 --> 00:33:16,597
Yeah , do you want to
go up -- go up to your room .

881
00:33:16,675 --> 00:33:17,801
l don't, uh . . .

882
00:33:17,876 --> 00:33:19,707
l can hear it now.
They put it on loud .

883
00:33:19,778 --> 00:33:21,507
lt's gonna interfere
with the audio,

884
00:33:21,579 --> 00:33:22,511
but that's okay.

885
00:33:22,580 --> 00:33:23,547
Um . . .

886
00:33:23,615 --> 00:33:25,981
Man , seven points. . .

887
00:33:26,051 --> 00:33:28,042
[ Laughs ]

888
00:33:28,119 --> 00:33:30,019
Ahh !

889
00:33:30,088 --> 00:33:32,283
''Hey, we'd like to give Orny
a $ 7 00,000 --

890
00:33:32,357 --> 00:33:35,019
The Lakers are on !''

891
00:33:35,093 --> 00:33:37,061
Listen ,
part of me feels like

892
00:33:37,128 --> 00:33:39,323
l'm handing George Shapiro
a gift.

893
00:33:39,397 --> 00:33:40,329
[ Horn honks ]

894
00:33:40,398 --> 00:33:41,865
[ Laughing ]

895
00:33:41,933 --> 00:33:44,629
SElNFELD: This is really
one of those nights --

896
00:33:44,703 --> 00:33:46,170
the classic New York night

897
00:33:46,237 --> 00:33:48,671
where you just stand
in front of catch --

898
00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:51,470
You know, you did your set,
you just stand like this,

899
00:33:51,543 --> 00:33:53,067
and try and pick up girls
on the street.

900
00:33:53,144 --> 00:33:55,339
l always say your number
of years in comedy

901
00:33:55,413 --> 00:33:57,347
is about your maturity level .

902
00:33:57,415 --> 00:33:58,905
[ Laughs ]

903
00:33:58,983 --> 00:34:01,474
When you're doing it ten years,
you're like a ten-year-old .

904
00:34:01,553 --> 00:34:03,817
[ Slurring ] Oh , that's right.
Hmm? Yeah !

905
00:34:03,888 --> 00:34:05,185
[ Laughter ]

906
00:34:05,256 --> 00:34:07,281
1 5 -- you're like
a 1 5-year-old --

907
00:34:07,359 --> 00:34:09,725
you're start--
slight bit of maturity.

908
00:34:09,794 --> 00:34:11,659
When you eat salad . . .

909
00:34:11,730 --> 00:34:12,697
Yes?

910
00:34:12,764 --> 00:34:14,698
Then you go to the bathroom . . .

911
00:34:14,766 --> 00:34:16,233
do you see the salad?

912
00:34:17,936 --> 00:34:19,164
l don't think so.

913
00:34:19,237 --> 00:34:20,226
No?

914
00:34:21,573 --> 00:34:23,541
20 years --
you're, like, kind of a grown-up

915
00:34:23,608 --> 00:34:26,372
but still completely infantile.

916
00:34:26,444 --> 00:34:28,036
Excuse me, did you want

917
00:34:28,113 --> 00:34:30,581
any dessert, coffee,
or anything?

918
00:34:30,648 --> 00:34:33,014
They have great cheesecake,
you know. lt's amazing .

919
00:34:33,084 --> 00:34:35,211
What -- apple pie.
You have apple pie?

920
00:34:35,286 --> 00:34:36,378
Mm-hmm .

921
00:34:36,454 --> 00:34:38,217
Yeah , l'll have
a piece of apple pie.

922
00:34:41,359 --> 00:34:43,190
We're out of
the apple pie.

923
00:34:43,261 --> 00:34:45,252
All right, then you know what?
Cancel it.

924
00:34:45,330 --> 00:34:47,321
[ Laughs ]

925
00:34:47,399 --> 00:34:48,661
l still say
you're gonna regret

926
00:34:48,733 --> 00:34:50,758
not getting that cheesecake.

927
00:34:50,835 --> 00:34:52,996
l do that joke all the time,
and Jessica always laughs.

928
00:34:53,071 --> 00:34:54,629
- What joke?
- That's a good wife.

929
00:34:54,706 --> 00:34:55,798
''Cancel it''?

930
00:34:55,874 --> 00:34:57,637
When someone says they're
out of something , l say,

931
00:34:57,709 --> 00:34:59,438
''You know what --
then cancel it.''

932
00:34:59,511 --> 00:35:01,342
l didn't even get it.
l was like, ''Yeah , cancel it.''

933
00:35:01,413 --> 00:35:03,108
Well , you can't cancel
something you can't get.

934
00:35:03,181 --> 00:35:04,808
- l get it now.
- lt's automatically canceled .

935
00:35:04,883 --> 00:35:06,510
l'm saying at first
l didn't get it.

936
00:35:07,852 --> 00:35:09,979
[ Up-tempo music plays ]

937
00:35:10,054 --> 00:35:12,318
Bonjour, Montreal .

938
00:35:12,390 --> 00:35:13,584
Oh , my God , l died !

939
00:35:13,658 --> 00:35:15,592
l had the worst set
of my life!

940
00:35:15,660 --> 00:35:17,218
[ Laughs ]

941
00:35:17,295 --> 00:35:20,389
That's me -- ugh --
every night.

942
00:35:20,465 --> 00:35:21,796
''What happened?''

943
00:35:21,866 --> 00:35:23,766
Today's Gazette.

944
00:35:24,636 --> 00:35:26,103
Read -- Read this
paragraph to me.

945
00:35:26,171 --> 00:35:27,661
Right there.
May -- don't touch it.

946
00:35:27,739 --> 00:35:28,671
Oh , l'm sorry.

947
00:35:28,740 --> 00:35:31,470
''Young stand-up Orny Adams
destroys.''

948
00:35:31,543 --> 00:35:33,101
ls that you?

949
00:35:33,178 --> 00:35:35,476
Orny Adams?
That's your real name?

950
00:35:35,547 --> 00:35:37,208
Get out of town .

951
00:35:37,282 --> 00:35:39,648
No mom would name her kid
Orny Adams.

952
00:35:39,717 --> 00:35:41,014
There was a time in America --

953
00:35:41,085 --> 00:35:43,246
women -- they didn't even
have the right to vote.

954
00:35:43,321 --> 00:35:45,448
Then there was a vote to see
if they could vote.

955
00:35:45,523 --> 00:35:47,252
Well , how the fuck
did we lose that?!

956
00:35:47,325 --> 00:35:49,020
[ Laughter ]

957
00:35:49,093 --> 00:35:52,392
l delivered under pressure.
l give myself a B-plus.

958
00:35:52,464 --> 00:35:53,954
l give myself a B-plus.

959
00:35:54,032 --> 00:35:56,091
But tomorrow night --
same time, okay, Orn?

960
00:35:58,236 --> 00:35:59,601
Here l am .

961
00:35:59,671 --> 00:36:01,935
This kid ripped the front page
of my paper, but. . .

962
00:36:02,006 --> 00:36:03,303
''Stand up and deliver.

963
00:36:03,374 --> 00:36:05,308
''Comedyfest can be
a career-maker.

964
00:36:05,376 --> 00:36:07,276
Orny Adams calls it
'the draft.'''

965
00:36:07,345 --> 00:36:08,812
This is the best part
right here.

966
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:10,711
''See 'Orny' on page A-1 0.''

967
00:36:10,782 --> 00:36:11,942
[ Laughs ]

968
00:36:12,016 --> 00:36:13,608
'''Orny' continued .''

969
00:36:13,685 --> 00:36:16,279
l think this article
was so well-written .

970
00:36:16,354 --> 00:36:17,685
They took three rolls of film ,

971
00:36:17,755 --> 00:36:19,347
and that's the picture
they put in there?

972
00:36:19,424 --> 00:36:21,153
ls anybody else shocked
with the picture?

973
00:36:21,226 --> 00:36:22,420
God , it looks like
the picture

974
00:36:22,494 --> 00:36:23,859
they're gonna
put in the newspaper

975
00:36:23,928 --> 00:36:25,225
when l get killed
in a car crash .

976
00:36:25,296 --> 00:36:27,389
''Comic killed !''
You know?

977
00:36:29,701 --> 00:36:32,795
l gotta open my own door?

978
00:36:32,871 --> 00:36:34,862
''The National Post'' --

979
00:36:34,939 --> 00:36:38,170
right there, baby, that's me.
Front page today.

980
00:36:38,243 --> 00:36:39,505
Anybody read that?

981
00:36:39,577 --> 00:36:40,839
[ Light clapping ]

982
00:36:40,912 --> 00:36:42,971
Anybody -- nobody reads
this goddamn paper?

983
00:36:43,047 --> 00:36:44,605
[ Laughter ]

984
00:36:44,682 --> 00:36:47,082
l make it on the front page
of my first national paper

985
00:36:47,151 --> 00:36:48,379
and nobody reads it?

986
00:36:48,453 --> 00:36:50,045
[ Laughter ]

987
00:36:50,121 --> 00:36:52,681
l'm sorry,
but this audience sucks.

988
00:36:52,757 --> 00:36:54,782
[ lndistinct talking ]

989
00:36:54,859 --> 00:36:56,793
l don't care how you --
how you put it.

990
00:36:56,861 --> 00:36:58,294
They suck.

991
00:36:58,363 --> 00:37:00,593
Because l'm a competent,
professional comic

992
00:37:00,665 --> 00:37:01,927
that does it every night.

993
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,264
And it's like they're polite
and they laugh ,

994
00:37:04,335 --> 00:37:05,495
but they're not like. . .

995
00:37:05,570 --> 00:37:07,435
l'm on the front page
of your paper.

996
00:37:07,505 --> 00:37:10,030
[ Laughs ]
That cracks me up.

997
00:37:10,108 --> 00:37:12,576
lt's a 7:00 show!

998
00:37:12,644 --> 00:37:15,044
lt's 7:00 --
look at this. . .

999
00:37:16,948 --> 00:37:18,779
Anybody ready to go out?

1000
00:37:18,850 --> 00:37:21,444
Comedy isn't a daytime thing .

1001
00:37:21,519 --> 00:37:23,783
l just really thought
l could do more with the paper,

1002
00:37:23,855 --> 00:37:25,413
and l was proud to be
in the paper.

1003
00:37:25,490 --> 00:37:28,391
And l'm just, you know --
it's too bad nobody reads it.

1004
00:37:28,459 --> 00:37:30,552
That show gave me
a headache.

1005
00:37:37,135 --> 00:37:39,126
[ Guffaws with French accent ]

1006
00:37:42,307 --> 00:37:44,537
[ Chuckles ]
lt is frustrating .

1007
00:37:44,609 --> 00:37:45,906
lmagine.

1008
00:37:45,977 --> 00:37:47,842
lmagine how many --
how many people

1009
00:37:47,912 --> 00:37:49,641
are out there
to see me tonight.

1010
00:37:49,714 --> 00:37:51,807
[ Guffaws ]

1011
00:37:51,883 --> 00:37:53,350
Heh .

1012
00:37:57,488 --> 00:37:59,319
All rise for George Shapiro.

1013
00:37:59,390 --> 00:38:00,652
The honorable George Shapiro.

1014
00:38:00,725 --> 00:38:04,559
[ Translation from French ]
How's it going? Certainly!

1015
00:38:04,629 --> 00:38:06,460
Wow!
This is a treasure.

1016
00:38:06,531 --> 00:38:07,998
They did an exclusive.

1017
00:38:08,066 --> 00:38:09,465
- [ Laughs ]
- [ Laughs ]

1018
00:38:09,534 --> 00:38:11,866
So -- So l take
some meetings. . .

1019
00:38:13,638 --> 00:38:15,105
Don't get carried away.

1020
00:38:15,173 --> 00:38:16,697
- l'm not getting carried away.
- Relax.

1021
00:38:16,774 --> 00:38:19,174
George, it's easy to say when
you got money in the bank.

1022
00:38:19,243 --> 00:38:21,473
Well . . .l'll give you
some money. Here. . .

1023
00:38:21,546 --> 00:38:22,979
You want Canadian
or American?

1024
00:38:23,047 --> 00:38:24,173
American , please.

1025
00:38:24,248 --> 00:38:25,943
That's the dumbest question
l've ever heard .

1026
00:38:26,017 --> 00:38:27,109
- [ Laughs ]
- [ Laughs ]

1027
00:38:27,185 --> 00:38:28,277
And l'm gonna take it!

1028
00:38:28,353 --> 00:38:30,253
That's just a l--
Absolutely take it.

1029
00:38:30,321 --> 00:38:31,879
- No, no, no.
- No, you got to take it.

1030
00:38:31,956 --> 00:38:33,423
You might have
some more fun .

1031
00:38:33,491 --> 00:38:34,981
You printed up
those cards.

1032
00:38:35,059 --> 00:38:37,459
Those cards are worth
at least $ 1 ,000 to me

1033
00:38:37,528 --> 00:38:39,792
to have a card like
this that says,

1034
00:38:39,864 --> 00:38:41,559
''l'm with George.''

1035
00:38:41,633 --> 00:38:43,260
- l can't take it.
- You got to take it.

1036
00:38:43,334 --> 00:38:44,995
l love it here so far.

1037
00:38:45,069 --> 00:38:46,866
- Love it. Love it.
- [ lndistinct talking ]

1038
00:38:46,938 --> 00:38:47,962
- [ Laughs ]
- [ Laughs ]

1039
00:38:48,039 --> 00:38:49,472
Are you working
this weekend?

1040
00:38:49,540 --> 00:38:51,508
l will be
at ''New Faces'' tonight

1041
00:38:51,576 --> 00:38:53,669
at, uh , Cafe Campus --
l have a 9:30 show --

1042
00:38:53,745 --> 00:38:57,078
and , uh , you can come out and
see if l live up to that hype.

1043
00:38:57,148 --> 00:38:59,116
That's -- That's what's
most nerve-racking .

1044
00:38:59,183 --> 00:39:01,549
lt's like l've got to
live up to this -- this image

1045
00:39:01,619 --> 00:39:04,110
that not only have l created
but the media has created .

1046
00:39:04,188 --> 00:39:06,156
What have you been --
how long have you been doing it

1047
00:39:06,224 --> 00:39:07,782
and where have you been
holding your sets

1048
00:39:07,859 --> 00:39:08,951
and all of that stuff?

1049
00:39:09,027 --> 00:39:10,858
Well , as soon as
the audience quiets down ,

1050
00:39:10,928 --> 00:39:12,225
l will answer
that question .

1051
00:39:12,296 --> 00:39:13,228
- Ooh .
- Shh .

1052
00:39:13,297 --> 00:39:14,229
Ooh .

1053
00:39:14,298 --> 00:39:15,629
Thank you .

1054
00:39:15,700 --> 00:39:17,463
Just have some fun with it,
you know.

1055
00:39:17,535 --> 00:39:19,503
This is -- This is your --
no pressure --

1056
00:39:19,570 --> 00:39:20,559
but this is your shot.

1057
00:39:20,638 --> 00:39:22,230
- l'm ready, my man .
- Go get 'em .

1058
00:39:22,306 --> 00:39:24,365
. . .from New York City.
Give him a hand --

1059
00:39:24,442 --> 00:39:25,739
Orny Adams.

1060
00:39:25,810 --> 00:39:27,801
- [ Rock music plays ]
- [ Applause ]

1061
00:39:29,013 --> 00:39:30,708
Whoo!

1062
00:39:34,118 --> 00:39:36,245
ADAMS : Hello, everybody,
how you doing?

1063
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:37,912
[ Laughs ]

1064
00:39:37,989 --> 00:39:39,217
l love Cuban people.

1065
00:39:39,290 --> 00:39:40,882
They're the most buoyant people
in the world .

1066
00:39:40,958 --> 00:39:42,391
They'll float over
on anything .

1067
00:39:42,460 --> 00:39:43,518
They'd come over on this.

1068
00:39:43,594 --> 00:39:45,221
They'd be like,
''Come on , everybody!

1069
00:39:45,296 --> 00:39:46,786
We're going to America!
Come on !''

1070
00:39:46,864 --> 00:39:48,092
[ Laughter ]

1071
00:39:48,166 --> 00:39:50,691
Do you think l'm gonna be
a big star, George?

1072
00:39:50,768 --> 00:39:52,668
They're throwing
obstacles in front of you

1073
00:39:52,737 --> 00:39:54,136
on the way back
to the hotel .

1074
00:39:54,205 --> 00:39:55,331
They're tricky.

1075
00:39:55,406 --> 00:39:57,169
Do you think l'm gonna be
a big star?

1076
00:39:57,241 --> 00:39:59,539
Yes. And l think
you'll still be unhappy.

1077
00:39:59,610 --> 00:40:00,975
You'll still be --

1078
00:40:01,045 --> 00:40:02,910
Why you gotta curse me
like that?

1079
00:40:02,980 --> 00:40:04,709
- Only because you told me that.
- l'm ready.

1080
00:40:04,782 --> 00:40:05,749
l'm ready.

1081
00:40:05,817 --> 00:40:07,682
So, now, i-if l blow it,

1082
00:40:07,752 --> 00:40:10,653
then l don't get
to that next level .

1083
00:40:10,722 --> 00:40:12,189
Hey, Barry.

1084
00:40:12,256 --> 00:40:14,087
- How you doing , sir?
- Did you see it?

1085
00:40:14,158 --> 00:40:16,023
- How'd it go tonight?
- Did you see it?

1086
00:40:16,094 --> 00:40:18,062
No, l didn't --
l didn't see you tonight.

1087
00:40:18,129 --> 00:40:19,426
l'm sorry.

1088
00:40:19,497 --> 00:40:21,397
- l wish you had .
- His best night of his life.

1089
00:40:21,466 --> 00:40:22,956
l only, uh . . .

1090
00:40:23,034 --> 00:40:24,558
He's got a lot of respect
for me, that's all .

1091
00:40:24,635 --> 00:40:25,567
No, l do.

1092
00:40:25,636 --> 00:40:27,103
l had a great roast joke,

1093
00:40:27,171 --> 00:40:29,901
but l respect you
so much that l couldn't do it.

1094
00:40:29,974 --> 00:40:33,410
- A joke?
- l do a roast and , uh . . .

1095
00:40:33,478 --> 00:40:34,502
What was the joke?

1096
00:40:34,579 --> 00:40:36,638
Can l tell you --
but all in good fun?

1097
00:40:36,714 --> 00:40:37,681
Yes.

1098
00:40:37,749 --> 00:40:39,046
l said ,
''George Shapiro --

1099
00:40:39,117 --> 00:40:41,108
''l respect this guy so much ,
you know.

1100
00:40:41,185 --> 00:40:45,178
''Represents Seinfeld ,
now Orny Adams. . .

1101
00:40:45,256 --> 00:40:48,054
What's next --
the parrot from 'Baretta'?''

1102
00:40:48,126 --> 00:40:49,753
[ Chuckles ]
lt's not bad .

1103
00:40:49,827 --> 00:40:50,953
But l , uh . . .

1104
00:40:51,028 --> 00:40:53,326
That's -- That was soft.

1105
00:40:53,397 --> 00:40:55,558
Hear what he says about me
to my face.

1106
00:40:55,633 --> 00:40:56,622
Yeah , let's hear.

1107
00:40:56,701 --> 00:40:58,100
You want to hear
the opinion ,

1108
00:40:58,169 --> 00:40:59,727
or should l not
say anything?

1109
00:40:59,804 --> 00:41:01,931
l don't care.
Oh , no, of course not.

1110
00:41:02,006 --> 00:41:03,633
This is my opinion
of this young man .

1111
00:41:03,708 --> 00:41:05,335
This is what l tell him
all the time.

1112
00:41:05,409 --> 00:41:06,774
All he has to do --

1113
00:41:06,844 --> 00:41:09,677
all he ever has to do
with his career --

1114
00:41:09,747 --> 00:41:11,977
if he can do it --
is just. . .

1115
00:41:13,551 --> 00:41:15,815
And let the act speak
for itself onstage.

1116
00:41:15,887 --> 00:41:18,549
And l told him , ''Steven Wright
doesn't walk around

1117
00:41:18,623 --> 00:41:20,853
''talking about
what's gonna happen here,

1118
00:41:20,925 --> 00:41:22,358
''how my life's gonna go,

1119
00:41:22,426 --> 00:41:25,361
''what development deal l'm gonna
get, what's gonna happen ,

1120
00:41:25,429 --> 00:41:26,623
l got Montreal . . .''

1121
00:41:26,697 --> 00:41:29,825
He walks onstage,
and he says, ''Thanks.''

1122
00:41:29,901 --> 00:41:31,630
And he gets off
and says, ''Thanks.''

1123
00:41:31,702 --> 00:41:33,602
And where
is Steven Wright now?

1124
00:41:33,671 --> 00:41:35,400
Steven is one of
the most prolific,

1125
00:41:35,473 --> 00:41:37,600
brilliant stand-up comedians
of our generation .

1126
00:41:37,675 --> 00:41:39,199
And where is he now?

1127
00:41:39,277 --> 00:41:40,835
He won
an Academy Award .

1128
00:41:40,912 --> 00:41:42,140
For what?

1129
00:41:42,213 --> 00:41:43,373
For a film .

1130
00:41:43,447 --> 00:41:44,607
A short film .

1131
00:41:44,682 --> 00:41:46,172
l want you to do well .

1132
00:41:46,250 --> 00:41:48,912
l'm not telling you this
because l want you to suck

1133
00:41:48,986 --> 00:41:50,817
and have people hate you .

1134
00:41:50,888 --> 00:41:52,515
l know, but l-l think
that l've --

1135
00:41:52,590 --> 00:41:55,423
Forget what you think.
Forget anything what you think.

1136
00:41:55,493 --> 00:41:57,461
Just take it.
Take what l'm saying .

1137
00:41:57,528 --> 00:41:59,155
And just relax
and take it.

1138
00:41:59,230 --> 00:42:01,664
[ Laughs ] ''Relax'' is something
you can tell me. That --

1139
00:42:01,732 --> 00:42:03,859
- You're a great comic.
- That's what we all say.

1140
00:42:03,935 --> 00:42:05,163
You're doing great.

1141
00:42:05,236 --> 00:42:06,828
You've worked
so fucking hard ,

1142
00:42:06,904 --> 00:42:08,098
and it's coming together.

1143
00:42:08,172 --> 00:42:10,003
So where the act
is coming together,

1144
00:42:10,074 --> 00:42:12,634
take the other side
and have it come together.

1145
00:42:12,710 --> 00:42:14,007
l got to watch this guy.

1146
00:42:14,078 --> 00:42:15,443
All right, Barry.

1147
00:42:15,513 --> 00:42:16,571
Thank you .

1148
00:42:17,148 --> 00:42:18,410
Thank you .

1149
00:42:18,482 --> 00:42:19,506
[ lndistinct talking ]

1150
00:42:21,786 --> 00:42:23,151
What a cocksucker.

1151
00:42:23,221 --> 00:42:24,449
[ Man laughing ]

1152
00:42:24,522 --> 00:42:26,649
He's such a cock--
He doesn't know what the f--

1153
00:42:26,724 --> 00:42:29,955
l'm gonna sit there and let
that guy talk to me like that?

1154
00:42:30,027 --> 00:42:31,790
He didn't
say anything bad .

1155
00:42:31,863 --> 00:42:33,194
He just told you
to relax.

1156
00:42:33,264 --> 00:42:34,993
Which is what
l've been telling you .

1157
00:42:35,066 --> 00:42:36,829
Just relax.
Enjoy what's happening --

1158
00:42:36,901 --> 00:42:38,801
l'm just gonna start doing
what George does --

1159
00:42:38,870 --> 00:42:39,928
not listen and just smile.

1160
00:42:40,004 --> 00:42:41,938
[ Chuckles ]

1161
00:42:42,006 --> 00:42:44,668
There was nothing he said
that l would -- l would refute.

1162
00:42:47,612 --> 00:42:49,705
[ Mid-tempo jazz plays ]

1163
00:42:49,780 --> 00:42:51,475
Big city.

1164
00:42:51,549 --> 00:42:53,039
lt's only been
like six months,

1165
00:42:53,117 --> 00:42:56,450
which isn't long to be
attempting a full set.

1166
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,545
l never thought
l'd be this far along .

1167
00:42:58,623 --> 00:43:00,614
You know, it's all about
doing the hour

1168
00:43:00,691 --> 00:43:03,023
where you're the entertainment
for the evening .

1169
00:43:03,094 --> 00:43:04,721
So l booked a date

1170
00:43:04,795 --> 00:43:07,423
in Washington , D.C.
at The lmprov.

1171
00:43:07,498 --> 00:43:10,729
We're gonna do the first show
on a Saturday.

1172
00:43:16,107 --> 00:43:17,506
l have this image in my mind

1173
00:43:17,575 --> 00:43:18,974
of what a comedian
is supposed to be

1174
00:43:19,043 --> 00:43:20,670
that l'm always trying
to live up to

1175
00:43:20,745 --> 00:43:22,576
and that l always
fall short of.

1176
00:43:22,647 --> 00:43:24,114
This is so exciting .

1177
00:43:24,181 --> 00:43:26,445
l'm the show
for the night.

1178
00:43:26,517 --> 00:43:29,418
l have to make that evening
work for those people.

1179
00:43:31,322 --> 00:43:33,756
l'll be more obsessed with
remembering everything

1180
00:43:33,824 --> 00:43:36,054
than really caring
whether l did well or not.

1181
00:43:36,127 --> 00:43:37,059
Coffee. . .

1182
00:43:37,128 --> 00:43:39,892
Starbucks, lips. . .

1183
00:43:39,964 --> 00:43:43,127
men's attention ,
construction site. . .

1184
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,724
beauty contest. . .

1185
00:43:44,802 --> 00:43:46,133
the equator. . .

1186
00:43:46,203 --> 00:43:48,467
DNA, blind man . . .

1187
00:43:48,539 --> 00:43:49,938
nose hair.

1188
00:43:50,007 --> 00:43:51,907
[ Exhales ]

1189
00:44:02,687 --> 00:44:04,416
- [ Whistles ]
- [ Bottle opens ]

1190
00:44:13,364 --> 00:44:15,355
Hi , John?

1191
00:44:15,433 --> 00:44:17,298
Uh , this is
George Shapiro.

1192
00:44:17,368 --> 00:44:19,836
Okay, so we'll --
we'll come down now.

1193
00:44:19,904 --> 00:44:21,872
Yeah , okay.
We're on our way.

1194
00:44:21,939 --> 00:44:22,963
Bye.

1195
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:24,940
[ Slow jazz plays ]

1196
00:44:34,085 --> 00:44:36,849
Wow, this feels really good .

1197
00:44:38,823 --> 00:44:40,518
[ Laughter ]

1198
00:44:40,591 --> 00:44:42,718
l'll probably do about 50
and then l'll come off.

1199
00:44:42,793 --> 00:44:44,818
And l'll go back and maybe do
another 5 or 1 0.

1200
00:44:44,895 --> 00:44:46,954
Leave you alone to get
your thoughts together.

1201
00:44:47,031 --> 00:44:48,521
- Okay, thanks.
- Nice meeting you .

1202
00:44:48,599 --> 00:44:49,657
Nice meeting you .

1203
00:44:49,734 --> 00:44:53,170
[ lndistinct talking ]

1204
00:44:53,237 --> 00:44:54,761
[ Exhales ]

1205
00:44:57,742 --> 00:44:59,369
COMEDlAN :
l bought a pair of jeans.

1206
00:44:59,443 --> 00:45:01,138
l wore them out on a date
that night.

1207
00:45:01,212 --> 00:45:03,510
And l knew the date wasn't gonna
go anywhere sexually

1208
00:45:03,581 --> 00:45:05,412
'cause l was out of
chloroform and rags.

1209
00:45:05,483 --> 00:45:07,678
[ lndistinct talking ]

1210
00:45:10,054 --> 00:45:12,750
And then Barry's just gonna
bring you out right there. . .

1211
00:45:12,823 --> 00:45:14,256
- [ Laughter ]
- right from the stage.

1212
00:45:14,325 --> 00:45:15,656
And l'll bring you
the water.

1213
00:45:15,726 --> 00:45:17,250
l'll just come up --
Would you rather --

1214
00:45:17,328 --> 00:45:19,387
Why don't l just -- l'll just
take this bottle with me.

1215
00:45:19,463 --> 00:45:20,395
You sure?

1216
00:45:20,464 --> 00:45:22,125
Yeah , that's fine.

1217
00:45:22,199 --> 00:45:24,793
lf you don't mind , could l just
get a quick picture with you --

1218
00:45:24,869 --> 00:45:26,359
Not right now.
Later.

1219
00:45:26,437 --> 00:45:27,904
- After the show?
- Yeah .

1220
00:45:27,972 --> 00:45:29,940
Okay, l appreciate it.
Thanks.

1221
00:45:30,007 --> 00:45:32,669
- [ lndistinct talking ]
- [ Laughter ]

1222
00:45:34,512 --> 00:45:37,106
SElNFELD: l've been living back
in New York since l , uh ,

1223
00:45:37,181 --> 00:45:40,344
finished the little business
l was doing in L.A.

1224
00:45:40,418 --> 00:45:43,148
l moved out
about, uh , 1 0, 1 5 years ago.

1225
00:45:43,220 --> 00:45:45,188
And now l'm back
and there's a lot of. . .

1226
00:45:45,256 --> 00:45:46,655
. . .on the West side.

1227
00:45:46,724 --> 00:45:49,386
lt's, uh , turned into kind of
a baby neighborhood --

1228
00:45:49,460 --> 00:45:51,690
a lot of families,
a lot of little babies.

1229
00:45:51,762 --> 00:45:53,923
There's too many babies.
l'm having a. . .

1230
00:45:53,998 --> 00:45:55,795
People picking up
after their dogs.

1231
00:45:55,866 --> 00:45:58,164
[ lndistinct talking ]

1232
00:45:58,235 --> 00:45:59,827
[ Laughter ]

1233
00:45:59,904 --> 00:46:01,235
Why the trends? Why. . .

1234
00:46:01,305 --> 00:46:04,502
Do human beings pay
these huge, massive. . .

1235
00:46:04,575 --> 00:46:06,634
The blind man gets the best
woman , in my opinion . . .

1236
00:46:06,710 --> 00:46:08,200
Got to do what you can do
in life.

1237
00:46:08,279 --> 00:46:09,246
Got to try and have fun .

1238
00:46:09,313 --> 00:46:10,803
That's why you're here tonight.

1239
00:46:10,881 --> 00:46:13,042
How stupid did you feel
the day after the millennium?

1240
00:46:13,117 --> 00:46:14,846
EMCEE : Please welcome
Mr. Jerry Seinfeld !

1241
00:46:14,919 --> 00:46:16,716
[ Loud cheering ]

1242
00:46:16,787 --> 00:46:18,311
[ lndistinct talking ]

1243
00:46:18,389 --> 00:46:20,016
Everybody give a big hand . . .

1244
00:46:20,091 --> 00:46:22,252
[ Cheers and applause ]

1245
00:46:24,895 --> 00:46:26,886
Wow, how did that go by
so quick?

1246
00:46:35,473 --> 00:46:36,997
[ lndistinct talking ]

1247
00:46:43,147 --> 00:46:45,843
l don't know why l feel
like this --

1248
00:46:45,916 --> 00:46:47,110
This is so hard .

1249
00:46:47,184 --> 00:46:48,947
lt just feel--
l-l guess l kind of

1250
00:46:49,019 --> 00:46:50,543
got a little ahead
of myself,

1251
00:46:50,621 --> 00:46:52,316
and l think
l was expecting more.

1252
00:46:52,389 --> 00:46:54,482
l thought the performance
was, uh . . .

1253
00:46:54,558 --> 00:46:57,322
lt just didn't have the
confidence l wanted it to have.

1254
00:46:57,394 --> 00:47:00,625
Have -- Have you been onstage
for, like, 53 minutes before?

1255
00:47:00,698 --> 00:47:01,960
For that length
of time straight?

1256
00:47:02,032 --> 00:47:03,090
No. Not in two years.

1257
00:47:03,167 --> 00:47:04,464
That's the accomplishment
tonight.

1258
00:47:04,535 --> 00:47:06,400
You know, you stumbled
a couple of times but. . .

1259
00:47:06,470 --> 00:47:07,835
lt's a whole
different ball game.

1260
00:47:09,340 --> 00:47:12,104
lt's so fucking hard
to get comfortable.

1261
00:47:12,176 --> 00:47:13,734
lt just comes and goes.

1262
00:47:13,811 --> 00:47:16,871
There are just, like,
just little glimpses,

1263
00:47:16,947 --> 00:47:20,041
little moments where l feel
really like myself

1264
00:47:20,117 --> 00:47:21,675
and l feel comfortable.

1265
00:47:21,752 --> 00:47:25,313
And then the rest of it l'm ,
like, in my father's suit

1266
00:47:25,389 --> 00:47:28,688
with these huge sleeves
and legs and l'm going . . .

1267
00:47:28,759 --> 00:47:30,522
l-l'm thinking ,
''What am l wearing?

1268
00:47:30,594 --> 00:47:32,255
What --
What am l doing here?''

1269
00:47:32,329 --> 00:47:34,388
- " Sometimes l think "
- What's that?

1270
00:47:34,465 --> 00:47:36,399
ls there weather
in East Hampton?

1271
00:47:36,467 --> 00:47:38,833
- " l've almost "
- There was a chance of rain .

1272
00:47:38,903 --> 00:47:41,872
" Fooled myself "

1273
00:47:41,939 --> 00:47:44,931
l would think you have to do it
four times a week --

1274
00:47:45,009 --> 00:47:46,340
on the weekends, do it.

1275
00:47:46,410 --> 00:47:47,604
l mean , you know, l can't --

1276
00:47:47,678 --> 00:47:49,373
l can't really go back
to that life.

1277
00:47:49,446 --> 00:47:51,209
- " Sometimes l think "
- l don't want --

1278
00:47:51,282 --> 00:47:53,648
l can't go back on the road
for seven months a year. . .

1279
00:47:53,717 --> 00:47:56,481
" l've almost fooled myself "

1280
00:47:56,554 --> 00:47:57,782
- You know?
- [ Jessica laughs ]

1281
00:47:57,855 --> 00:47:59,948
l have another life now.

1282
00:48:03,961 --> 00:48:05,189
[ Laughs ]

1283
00:48:05,262 --> 00:48:07,287
" Spreading out my wings "

1284
00:48:07,364 --> 00:48:08,763
[ Laughs ]

1285
00:48:08,832 --> 00:48:12,165
" Above us like a tree "

1286
00:48:13,437 --> 00:48:16,065
" Laughing now, out loud "

1287
00:48:16,140 --> 00:48:19,701
EMCEE : Everybody,
big round of applause.

1288
00:48:19,777 --> 00:48:22,075
Why must l overreact?

1289
00:48:22,146 --> 00:48:23,078
Eh . . .

1290
00:48:23,147 --> 00:48:24,637
lt's gonna be all right.

1291
00:48:24,715 --> 00:48:27,775
But l really had a good --
l really had a momentum going .

1292
00:48:27,851 --> 00:48:30,217
l really had some
writing momentum and . . .

1293
00:48:30,287 --> 00:48:32,653
lt's not like it takes it
all the way back to square one.

1294
00:48:32,723 --> 00:48:34,623
Yeah . l don't know.

1295
00:48:34,692 --> 00:48:36,887
Just misstep for a couple days
and then you're back.

1296
00:48:36,961 --> 00:48:38,428
Yeah . No big deal .

1297
00:48:38,495 --> 00:48:39,689
Piece of cake.

1298
00:48:39,763 --> 00:48:41,025
[ Laughing ]

1299
00:48:42,333 --> 00:48:44,028
You know,
when l was starting out

1300
00:48:44,101 --> 00:48:47,332
l used to sit down and write
a couple times a week.

1301
00:48:47,404 --> 00:48:49,133
And then one day
l was watching

1302
00:48:49,206 --> 00:48:51,697
these construction workers
go back to work

1303
00:48:51,775 --> 00:48:55,108
and l was watching them kind of
trudging down the street. . .

1304
00:48:55,179 --> 00:48:56,874
And l was, uh , just --

1305
00:48:56,947 --> 00:48:59,814
it was like a --
a revelation to me,

1306
00:48:59,883 --> 00:49:02,147
and l realized ,
''These guys don't want to

1307
00:49:02,219 --> 00:49:04,779
go back to work after lunch ,
but they're going .''

1308
00:49:04,855 --> 00:49:06,345
'Cause that's their job.

1309
00:49:06,423 --> 00:49:08,516
And l think
if they can exhibit

1310
00:49:08,592 --> 00:49:11,083
that level of dedication
for that job,

1311
00:49:11,161 --> 00:49:13,561
l should be able
to do the same.

1312
00:49:13,631 --> 00:49:15,258
Just trudge your ass in .

1313
00:49:15,332 --> 00:49:17,266
[ Laughter ]

1314
00:49:17,334 --> 00:49:19,928
ls there a point where we're all
gonna stop telling each other

1315
00:49:20,004 --> 00:49:22,268
to wait. . .for the beep?!

1316
00:49:22,339 --> 00:49:23,772
[ Laughter ]

1317
00:49:23,841 --> 00:49:26,776
lt's the 2 1 st goddamn century.

1318
00:49:26,844 --> 00:49:30,974
The Hutu tribesmen
of the African plain

1319
00:49:31,048 --> 00:49:33,608
know about the beep.

1320
00:49:33,684 --> 00:49:35,675
They don't leave a message
until they hear. . .

1321
00:49:35,753 --> 00:49:37,414
[ Speaks African gibberish ]

1322
00:49:37,488 --> 00:49:39,217
Beep.

1323
00:49:39,290 --> 00:49:42,259
[ Laughter ]

1324
00:49:42,326 --> 00:49:43,987
Can we all stop asking
each other

1325
00:49:44,061 --> 00:49:46,325
to leave
our name and number?

1326
00:49:46,397 --> 00:49:47,887
No one needs this.

1327
00:49:47,965 --> 00:49:51,230
Anybody getting messages like,
''This is a woman . Goodbye.''

1328
00:49:51,302 --> 00:49:53,668
[ Laughter ]

1329
00:49:53,737 --> 00:49:57,434
''l am a lawyer.
Contact me immediately.'' Click.

1330
00:49:57,508 --> 00:49:59,499
l don't think so!

1331
00:50:00,811 --> 00:50:02,142
ADAMS : lt's 3:00 P.M.

1332
00:50:02,212 --> 00:50:04,806
lt's noon in L.A.

1333
00:50:04,882 --> 00:50:07,908
l've never been so conscious
of L.A. time.

1334
00:50:07,985 --> 00:50:11,785
Since Montreal it's like --
that's all l think about --

1335
00:50:11,855 --> 00:50:13,584
''What time is it in L.A.?

1336
00:50:13,657 --> 00:50:15,215
''Who's talking about me
right now?

1337
00:50:15,292 --> 00:50:16,816
What conversations
are going on?''

1338
00:50:16,894 --> 00:50:18,020
l tested for a pilot,

1339
00:50:18,095 --> 00:50:20,427
and the executive said
that my hair made me look

1340
00:50:20,497 --> 00:50:21,896
like a serial killer.

1341
00:50:21,965 --> 00:50:24,058
We're doing ''Letterman .''
l'm under so much pressure.

1342
00:50:24,134 --> 00:50:26,034
Because it's like every second
of that routine,

1343
00:50:26,103 --> 00:50:27,468
every word ,
has to be perfect.

1344
00:50:27,538 --> 00:50:29,403
George said , ''Hey,
if you don't put him on ,

1345
00:50:29,473 --> 00:50:30,940
we're calling
'The Tonight Show.'''

1346
00:50:31,008 --> 00:50:32,737
And that's when they said ,
''We want Orny.

1347
00:50:32,810 --> 00:50:34,277
We want him
to break on our show.''

1348
00:50:34,345 --> 00:50:35,676
l'm gonna go out there

1349
00:50:35,746 --> 00:50:38,078
and -- and do the best set
of my life. . .

1350
00:50:38,148 --> 00:50:41,845
So Dave comes -- comes out
and says, ''Great set''

1351
00:50:41,919 --> 00:50:43,716
and then turns to his producer
and says,

1352
00:50:43,787 --> 00:50:45,152
''When can we have him back?''

1353
00:50:45,222 --> 00:50:47,281
l feel censored , but l don't
really feel censored .

1354
00:50:47,358 --> 00:50:48,848
l mean , they're being fair,

1355
00:50:48,926 --> 00:50:50,791
but they're changing a lot
of the wordings of my jokes.

1356
00:50:50,861 --> 00:50:53,159
Like l can't say l'm getting
a tumor from my cellphone.

1357
00:50:53,230 --> 00:50:55,528
l have to say l'm getting
headaches from my cellphone.

1358
00:50:55,599 --> 00:50:57,567
These little nuances
change your rhythm ,

1359
00:50:57,634 --> 00:50:59,966
change your -- the way
you would normally say it.

1360
00:51:00,037 --> 00:51:01,902
Here are the jokes l'm gonna do
on ''Letterman .''

1361
00:51:01,972 --> 00:51:04,634
l have rewritten ''future wife,''
the ''lupus callback,''

1362
00:51:04,708 --> 00:51:06,198
and the ''cellphone.''

1363
00:51:06,276 --> 00:51:08,710
Now, with the cellphone bit
last night -- l'm at Gotham --

1364
00:51:08,779 --> 00:51:10,371
and instead of
picking up the chair,

1365
00:51:10,447 --> 00:51:12,381
all of a sudden l grab my --
l grab my thing

1366
00:51:12,449 --> 00:51:14,713
and l started going like this
and l'm talking into my --

1367
00:51:14,785 --> 00:51:16,776
''Oh , yeah , look at me.
l work on Wall Street.''

1368
00:51:16,854 --> 00:51:18,344
l'm not compromising now.

1369
00:51:18,422 --> 00:51:21,084
Now l'm funny 'cause l got
a shoe at my ear.

1370
00:51:21,158 --> 00:51:22,785
l got everything
l wanted this year,

1371
00:51:22,860 --> 00:51:25,124
and l've never been more
stressed and more miserable.

1372
00:51:25,195 --> 00:51:27,288
l'm sweating now
'cause l'm nervous.

1373
00:51:27,364 --> 00:51:30,026
And the insanity makes you
just want to drop everything

1374
00:51:30,100 --> 00:51:32,364
and say, ''You know what?
l give up. l give up.''

1375
00:51:32,436 --> 00:51:33,801
You know?

1376
00:51:33,871 --> 00:51:35,771
l haven't even talked to you
for a while.

1377
00:51:35,839 --> 00:51:37,602
l saw Bill Cosby. . .

1378
00:51:37,674 --> 00:51:39,938
- three weeks ago.
- Really?

1379
00:51:40,010 --> 00:51:42,843
Best comedy show
l ever saw in my life.

1380
00:51:42,913 --> 00:51:44,278
Really?

1381
00:51:44,348 --> 00:51:45,975
'Cause l took, like,
1 5 people.

1382
00:51:46,049 --> 00:51:48,017
We'd all seen him before.

1383
00:51:48,085 --> 00:51:49,780
We only knew one bit.

1384
00:51:49,853 --> 00:51:51,980
He did 2 1 /2 hours.

1385
00:51:52,055 --> 00:51:53,317
[ Laughs ]

1386
00:51:53,390 --> 00:51:54,880
The best shit l've --

1387
00:51:54,958 --> 00:51:57,426
- l feel like a fucking fraud .
- Well , he's the best.

1388
00:51:57,494 --> 00:52:00,019
What is this?
What am l? l'm good !

1389
00:52:00,097 --> 00:52:01,155
Who says l'm good?

1390
00:52:01,231 --> 00:52:03,028
Who says
any of us are good?

1391
00:52:03,100 --> 00:52:04,567
63 and embracing it. . .

1392
00:52:04,635 --> 00:52:06,296
Did he have
an opening act?

1393
00:52:06,370 --> 00:52:07,632
No.

1394
00:52:07,704 --> 00:52:09,171
So, he took an intermission
after, like. . .

1395
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:10,467
No, he didn't take
an intermission .

1396
00:52:10,541 --> 00:52:12,668
2 1 /2 hours straight?

1397
00:52:12,743 --> 00:52:14,335
Pow. Pow.

1398
00:52:14,411 --> 00:52:17,869
2 1 /2 hours of killer shit.

1399
00:52:17,948 --> 00:52:19,142
Killer.

1400
00:52:19,216 --> 00:52:22,151
And it's so much more
edgy now and mean .

1401
00:52:22,219 --> 00:52:23,846
Ooh , you got to see it.

1402
00:52:23,921 --> 00:52:25,081
Wow.

1403
00:52:25,155 --> 00:52:28,124
Boy, l-l'll have to go.

1404
00:52:28,192 --> 00:52:30,092
[ Mid-tempo jazz plays ]

1405
00:52:31,895 --> 00:52:33,658
[ Mumbling ]

1406
00:52:35,766 --> 00:52:37,734
[ Sighs ]
Look at them lined up.

1407
00:52:37,801 --> 00:52:39,564
Look at that.
That's funny.

1408
00:52:42,206 --> 00:52:43,833
Hi , everybody.

1409
00:52:43,907 --> 00:52:45,169
[ lndistinct talking ]

1410
00:52:45,242 --> 00:52:47,142
- Hi . Who's waving at me?
- [ Women screaming ]

1411
00:52:47,211 --> 00:52:50,044
Oh , no, l don't need
screaming people.

1412
00:52:50,113 --> 00:52:51,171
[ lndistinct talking ]

1413
00:52:51,248 --> 00:52:52,306
- Hi . [ Laughs ]
- [ Laughs ]

1414
00:52:52,382 --> 00:52:53,576
- Come on in .
- Hi , l'm Orny Adams.

1415
00:52:53,650 --> 00:52:54,582
Hi , l'm Ally.

1416
00:52:54,651 --> 00:52:56,175
But it's gonna be good .

1417
00:52:56,253 --> 00:52:57,277
l'm ready.

1418
00:52:57,354 --> 00:52:59,185
Psoriasis. . .

1419
00:52:59,256 --> 00:53:00,848
Psoriasis.

1420
00:53:00,924 --> 00:53:03,484
They've requested that l not use
the word ''lupus''

1421
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:05,960
at the last minute --
which is -- which is fine.

1422
00:53:06,029 --> 00:53:07,690
We're gonna make
the joke work.

1423
00:53:07,764 --> 00:53:09,755
l'm a --
l'm a joke craftsman now, so. . .

1424
00:53:09,833 --> 00:53:11,391
What do l do?
Do l pull off the show?

1425
00:53:11,468 --> 00:53:13,493
l mean , l don't want to go
on the show and --

1426
00:53:13,570 --> 00:53:14,696
and not be me.

1427
00:53:14,771 --> 00:53:17,205
l'm all positive --
psoriasis.

1428
00:53:17,274 --> 00:53:19,367
Once l learned how to say
the word ''psoriasis.''

1429
00:53:19,443 --> 00:53:20,671
l didn't really know
what it was.

1430
00:53:20,744 --> 00:53:22,143
l sort of knew it was
a skin condition ,

1431
00:53:22,212 --> 00:53:23,873
but l didn't know it was scaly.
l didn't know. . .

1432
00:53:23,947 --> 00:53:25,380
Originally l thought,

1433
00:53:25,449 --> 00:53:27,508
''Let's pick a disease
that only women can get'' --

1434
00:53:27,584 --> 00:53:29,051
like uterus cancer
or something .

1435
00:53:29,119 --> 00:53:31,383
But you -- you know, obviously
you can't say ''cancer.''

1436
00:53:31,455 --> 00:53:34,151
l open by saying ''lupus''
and close by saying ''lupus''

1437
00:53:34,224 --> 00:53:37,284
so what -- how do you -- how do
you dance around that? So. . .

1438
00:53:37,361 --> 00:53:40,626
So, l'm fine.
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

1439
00:53:40,697 --> 00:53:42,892
Listen , it's their show.
l'm a guest.

1440
00:53:42,966 --> 00:53:45,958
l'm still thrilled to be here
and , uh , it's gonna be --

1441
00:53:46,036 --> 00:53:47,628
you know, look at me.

1442
00:53:47,704 --> 00:53:50,764
lt's gonna be unbelievable,
and that's the bottom line.

1443
00:53:50,841 --> 00:53:52,274
Let's make the best
out of it.

1444
00:53:52,342 --> 00:53:55,243
Psoriasis.
Everybody -- to psoriasis.

1445
00:53:55,312 --> 00:53:56,472
[ Laughs ]

1446
00:53:56,547 --> 00:53:58,515
[ Chuckles ] l'm gonna be
on ''Dave Letterman .''

1447
00:53:58,582 --> 00:54:00,072
[ Laughs ]

1448
00:54:00,150 --> 00:54:01,708
[ Laughs ]

1449
00:54:01,785 --> 00:54:03,275
[ Cheers and applause ]

1450
00:54:03,353 --> 00:54:04,479
LETTERMAN : From the. . .

1451
00:54:04,555 --> 00:54:06,113
And musical director. . .

1452
00:54:06,189 --> 00:54:08,555
Here's who's on the program ,
ladies and gentlemen ,

1453
00:54:08,625 --> 00:54:10,820
just so you don't leap
on that remote control .

1454
00:54:10,894 --> 00:54:12,657
- [ Laughs ]
- Oh . . .

1455
00:54:12,729 --> 00:54:14,094
Uh , Jay Thomas.

1456
00:54:14,164 --> 00:54:15,756
Now, let me tell you
about Jay Thomas.

1457
00:54:15,832 --> 00:54:17,595
ls there a funnier man alive
than Jay Thomas?

1458
00:54:17,668 --> 00:54:18,794
PAUL SHAFFER:
No, sir.

1459
00:54:18,869 --> 00:54:20,962
And another funny man --
Orny Adams.

1460
00:54:21,038 --> 00:54:22,972
- Comedian .
- Orny.

1461
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:26,942
Orny making his debut right here
on the ''Late Show.''

1462
00:54:27,010 --> 00:54:29,478
[ lndistinct talking ]

1463
00:54:29,546 --> 00:54:30,570
Orny Adams. . .

1464
00:54:30,647 --> 00:54:31,944
Backstage, please.

1465
00:54:32,015 --> 00:54:33,505
Let's do it.

1466
00:54:37,421 --> 00:54:39,616
You're going on
very shortly, okay?

1467
00:54:39,690 --> 00:54:41,487
You ready?
You have it all?

1468
00:54:41,558 --> 00:54:42,752
l'm ready.

1469
00:54:42,826 --> 00:54:44,350
LETTERMAN :
Ladies and gentlemen ,

1470
00:54:44,428 --> 00:54:46,259
here's the very funny
Orny Adams. Orny. . .

1471
00:54:46,330 --> 00:54:48,355
[ Cheers and applause ]

1472
00:54:48,432 --> 00:54:50,525
[ Rock 'n' roll plays ]

1473
00:54:57,341 --> 00:55:00,708
This is so exciting .
l'm happy to be here.

1474
00:55:00,777 --> 00:55:02,677
Last year l thought
l had psoriasis.

1475
00:55:02,746 --> 00:55:04,338
Has that happened
to you yet?

1476
00:55:04,414 --> 00:55:06,382
l was on a bus
and there was an ad --

1477
00:55:06,450 --> 00:55:08,975
Chances are that somebody
on the bus had psoriasis.

1478
00:55:09,052 --> 00:55:11,452
l look around ,
and l'm the only one on the bus.

1479
00:55:11,521 --> 00:55:12,681
[ Laughter ]

1480
00:55:12,756 --> 00:55:14,417
''Looks like l better
get to the hospital --

1481
00:55:14,491 --> 00:55:15,719
l have psoriasis.''

1482
00:55:15,792 --> 00:55:17,657
l got to be honest with you .
l-l feel off.

1483
00:55:17,728 --> 00:55:19,059
l mean ,
l got up from dinner --

1484
00:55:19,129 --> 00:55:21,188
l excused myself 'cause
l couldn't even speak.

1485
00:55:21,264 --> 00:55:22,697
l just --
my eyes started to tear.

1486
00:55:22,766 --> 00:55:24,757
l don't know what it is.
l need to talk to George.

1487
00:55:24,835 --> 00:55:26,234
l need to know
if this is normal .

1488
00:55:26,303 --> 00:55:28,635
Did Jerry feel this way
when he did this?

1489
00:55:28,705 --> 00:55:30,900
l mean , am l having
separation anxiety?

1490
00:55:30,974 --> 00:55:32,874
What is it?
Why do l feel awful?

1491
00:55:32,943 --> 00:55:34,410
l mean , do you realize l --

1492
00:55:34,478 --> 00:55:39,575
l opened my first huge,
national network debut set

1493
00:55:39,650 --> 00:55:41,584
with a joke
l've never told before?

1494
00:55:41,652 --> 00:55:44,120
l've never told --
l've never said ''psoriasis.''

1495
00:55:44,187 --> 00:55:46,849
Until this morning , l didn't
even know what it was.

1496
00:55:46,923 --> 00:55:48,982
l don't want to be perfect
and be polished and be it

1497
00:55:49,059 --> 00:55:50,492
because that's
the beautiful thing

1498
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:52,255
is when you see Jerry
and you see Roseanne

1499
00:55:52,329 --> 00:55:54,422
and you see these people
doing it for the first time.

1500
00:55:54,498 --> 00:55:56,591
They're not polished .
They're young , they're excited .

1501
00:55:56,667 --> 00:55:58,259
This is --
this is the greatest moment,

1502
00:55:58,335 --> 00:55:59,632
and you see it on their face.

1503
00:55:59,703 --> 00:56:01,466
And that's what l wanted this
to be like.

1504
00:56:01,538 --> 00:56:03,267
But l want people
to understand it.

1505
00:56:03,340 --> 00:56:05,035
l just want people to understand
the process --

1506
00:56:05,108 --> 00:56:07,576
what we have to go through
as comedians --

1507
00:56:07,644 --> 00:56:09,077
what it takes to get there.

1508
00:56:09,146 --> 00:56:11,011
l don't think people understand .

1509
00:56:11,081 --> 00:56:14,016
This has been --
you know, l'm 30 years old ,

1510
00:56:14,084 --> 00:56:16,678
and l've been working full-time
eight years at this,

1511
00:56:16,753 --> 00:56:19,881
not to mention l've been
daydreaming since junior high ,

1512
00:56:19,956 --> 00:56:22,049
when l wore my inserts
walking around ,

1513
00:56:22,125 --> 00:56:24,059
about this moment,
and l got there.

1514
00:56:24,127 --> 00:56:25,094
l did .

1515
00:56:25,162 --> 00:56:27,221
l used to get up
in junior high and repeat

1516
00:56:27,297 --> 00:56:30,733
the whole monologue from --
from Carson and Letterman .

1517
00:56:30,801 --> 00:56:32,325
l remember that.

1518
00:56:32,402 --> 00:56:35,337
And it's like, you know, l've
been waiting for this moment.

1519
00:56:35,405 --> 00:56:37,669
l've been waiting for it,
and -- and . . .

1520
00:56:37,741 --> 00:56:42,007
l guess, you know, l-l just. . .
l'm hard on myself,

1521
00:56:42,079 --> 00:56:45,708
but l hope everybody else isn't
as hard on me as l am on myself.

1522
00:56:45,782 --> 00:56:47,374
[ lndistinct conversations ]

1523
00:56:47,517 --> 00:56:50,543
[ Laughter ]

1524
00:56:50,620 --> 00:56:54,215
[ Mid-tempo rock music plays ]

1525
00:56:54,291 --> 00:56:56,589
l'm not coming here much
anymore.

1526
00:56:56,660 --> 00:56:58,093
l'm done with it.

1527
00:56:58,161 --> 00:57:00,823
l need to go out
and work the road now.

1528
00:57:00,897 --> 00:57:03,297
l need to go out and do
an hour every night.

1529
00:57:03,366 --> 00:57:05,027
Well , you got enough .

1530
00:57:05,102 --> 00:57:08,071
That's. . .that's how you --
how you get it together.

1531
00:57:08,138 --> 00:57:11,107
[ Mid-tempo rock music plays ]

1532
00:57:11,174 --> 00:57:14,268
l really didn't think
l was at this point.

1533
00:57:14,344 --> 00:57:16,073
l'm still not sure of it,
actually.

1534
00:57:16,146 --> 00:57:18,273
But l have to see
how this holds together

1535
00:57:18,348 --> 00:57:21,442
and how it feels --
does it feel like an act?

1536
00:57:21,518 --> 00:57:23,179
l was huge!

1537
00:57:23,253 --> 00:57:25,187
[ Laughter ]

1538
00:57:25,255 --> 00:57:27,450
Bigger than life!

1539
00:57:27,524 --> 00:57:29,924
l could be anywhere
in the world !

1540
00:57:31,228 --> 00:57:33,093
[ Laughter ]

1541
00:57:33,163 --> 00:57:35,529
Everything -- it's all crazy.

1542
00:57:35,599 --> 00:57:38,295
l should be at St. Barths.
Nothing -- Nothing makes sense.

1543
00:57:38,368 --> 00:57:40,461
[ Laughter ]

1544
00:57:40,537 --> 00:57:43,631
l'm in a comedy club
in Cleveland .

1545
00:57:43,707 --> 00:57:45,106
But that's what's working .

1546
00:57:45,175 --> 00:57:46,335
[ Cheers and applause ]

1547
00:57:46,409 --> 00:57:48,468
l was just onstage for an hour!

1548
00:57:48,545 --> 00:57:51,309
You know these type of
commercials l'm talking about?

1549
00:57:51,381 --> 00:57:54,214
The guy just gets in the car,
turns to his wife, and goes,

1550
00:57:54,284 --> 00:57:56,047
''My doctor said Cramitall .''

1551
00:57:56,119 --> 00:57:57,643
[ Laughter and applause ]

1552
00:57:57,721 --> 00:58:00,485
[ Music continues ]

1553
00:58:00,557 --> 00:58:03,651
Look at this -- ''Special event.
Comedy workshop.''

1554
00:58:03,727 --> 00:58:06,491
WOMAN :
Welcome to Phoenix.

1555
00:58:06,563 --> 00:58:08,497
[ Applause ]

1556
00:58:08,565 --> 00:58:09,964
You should be on here.

1557
00:58:10,033 --> 00:58:11,125
l'm due in 20.

1558
00:58:11,201 --> 00:58:12,361
SElNFELD: Okay.

1559
00:58:12,435 --> 00:58:14,266
Mario Joyner!

1560
00:58:14,337 --> 00:58:17,500
l feel like l am getting
the same laughs now

1561
00:58:17,574 --> 00:58:21,408
on the same merit system
that l got in 1 9 7 9,

1562
00:58:21,478 --> 00:58:23,002
when nobody knew who l was.

1563
00:58:23,079 --> 00:58:25,547
Walking -- scooter!
Scooter!

1564
00:58:25,615 --> 00:58:27,048
This set was great.

1565
00:58:27,117 --> 00:58:29,483
l mean , those two sets were
night and day for me.

1566
00:58:29,553 --> 00:58:31,350
- All right.
- [ Yawning ] Good night.

1567
00:58:31,421 --> 00:58:33,013
[ Music continues ]

1568
00:58:33,089 --> 00:58:34,681
Well , it's 1 1 :30 in L.A.

1569
00:58:36,092 --> 00:58:38,026
He goes up there
with a fucking act.

1570
00:58:38,094 --> 00:58:39,561
- How dare you?
- [ Laughs ]

1571
00:58:39,629 --> 00:58:42,154
[ Laughs ] l thought
we were just fucking around .

1572
00:58:42,232 --> 00:58:44,757
Don't worry.
lt's working .

1573
00:58:46,236 --> 00:58:49,728
You don't want to go after me.
You want to go before, right?

1574
00:58:49,806 --> 00:58:51,433
- How much time you doing?
- l'm doing a full set.

1575
00:58:51,508 --> 00:58:52,566
lt's all funny stuff.

1576
00:58:52,642 --> 00:58:54,507
There's no reason
why this should not work.

1577
00:58:54,578 --> 00:58:56,637
- l would like an answer. . .
- Am l doing new material?

1578
00:58:56,713 --> 00:58:58,180
Yeah ,
it's all new material .

1579
00:58:58,248 --> 00:59:00,739
So why can't l do what l do
and you do what you do?

1580
00:59:00,817 --> 00:59:03,115
lt's just about being together,
isn't it?

1581
00:59:03,186 --> 00:59:06,019
l just want to be
with you .

1582
00:59:06,089 --> 00:59:09,252
MAN : Please welcome the comic
stylings of Mr. Jerry Seinfeld .

1583
00:59:09,326 --> 00:59:10,953
[ Cheers and applause ]

1584
00:59:11,027 --> 00:59:14,394
l can only do -- l swear
to God -- like 1 0 minutes.

1585
00:59:14,464 --> 00:59:17,024
l'm hearing all this
for the first time, too.

1586
00:59:17,100 --> 00:59:18,590
l swear to God .
This is. . .

1587
00:59:18,668 --> 00:59:19,760
[ Laughter ]

1588
00:59:19,836 --> 00:59:22,270
This is the greatest night
in comedy

1589
00:59:22,339 --> 00:59:23,397
in the last 1 0 years.

1590
00:59:23,473 --> 00:59:24,906
[ Cheers and applause ]

1591
00:59:24,975 --> 00:59:28,206
You know, since that
Sinbad show in the Caribbean .

1592
00:59:28,278 --> 00:59:30,940
[ Laughter ]

1593
00:59:31,014 --> 00:59:32,675
MAN : Good evening ,
ladies and gentlemen ,

1594
00:59:32,749 --> 00:59:34,740
and welcome to Rascals.

1595
00:59:34,818 --> 00:59:37,582
Tonight we're proud to present
an evening with . . .

1596
00:59:37,654 --> 00:59:40,623
Jerry Seinfeld !

1597
00:59:41,691 --> 00:59:42,953
And now, Jerry's special . . .

1598
00:59:43,026 --> 00:59:47,122
We're flying in from L.A. . . .

1599
00:59:47,197 --> 00:59:50,496
to work in West Orange,
New Jersey, huh?

1600
00:59:50,567 --> 00:59:54,003
Any new technology just gets
translated into a sexual form .

1601
00:59:54,070 --> 00:59:55,503
Home video -- sex video.

1602
00:59:55,572 --> 00:59:56,664
Phone -- phone sex!

1603
00:59:56,740 --> 00:59:58,230
lnternet -- porno website!

1604
00:59:58,308 --> 01:00:00,572
Copy machine --
put your ass on it!

1605
01:00:00,644 --> 01:00:02,475
l'll tell you --

1606
01:00:02,545 --> 01:00:06,777
That is a tough , tough fucking
gang they got out there.

1607
01:00:06,850 --> 01:00:08,841
Every comedian has
a fucking excuse --

1608
01:00:08,919 --> 01:00:10,819
it's the candles,
it's the smoke. . .

1609
01:00:10,887 --> 01:00:13,447
Get those candles out!
l gotta go on !

1610
01:00:13,523 --> 01:00:14,922
l make no excuse.

1611
01:00:14,991 --> 01:00:16,458
l just wasn't good .

1612
01:00:16,526 --> 01:00:19,586
Maybe we'll look into
that miserable Governor's

1613
01:00:19,663 --> 01:00:20,687
out in Levittown .

1614
01:00:20,764 --> 01:00:22,197
That's really Alabama.

1615
01:00:22,265 --> 01:00:23,960
Long lsland , baby.

1616
01:00:24,034 --> 01:00:25,968
lt's everything you hate
about yourself

1617
01:00:26,036 --> 01:00:28,129
you see staring
right back at you .

1618
01:00:28,204 --> 01:00:29,796
Everything you tried not to be

1619
01:00:29,873 --> 01:00:31,807
but you know, deep down ,
still are.

1620
01:00:31,875 --> 01:00:33,308
[ Laughter ]

1621
01:00:33,376 --> 01:00:35,674
- Nice, lively audience.
- Oh , good .

1622
01:00:35,745 --> 01:00:40,341
. . .this limo driver,
and , uh . . .

1623
01:00:40,417 --> 01:00:41,679
What?

1624
01:00:41,751 --> 01:00:44,219
Did you hear when l stopped
at one point

1625
01:00:44,287 --> 01:00:46,312
and how many people
are talking?

1626
01:00:46,389 --> 01:00:48,152
[ lndistinct conversations ]

1627
01:00:48,224 --> 01:00:50,021
How well
do you have to do

1628
01:00:50,093 --> 01:00:52,687
before someone's gonna
fucking listen up?

1629
01:00:52,762 --> 01:00:55,629
You know, how big
do you fucking have to be?

1630
01:00:55,699 --> 01:00:57,599
What kind of material
do you have to have

1631
01:00:57,667 --> 01:00:59,225
that you're gonna
pay attention?

1632
01:00:59,302 --> 01:01:00,234
Shut up.

1633
01:01:00,303 --> 01:01:02,066
[ Laughter and applause ]

1634
01:01:02,138 --> 01:01:04,129
You are in the way.

1635
01:01:04,207 --> 01:01:07,802
Well , that was classic!

1636
01:01:07,877 --> 01:01:09,037
Clas-sic.

1637
01:01:09,112 --> 01:01:10,409
You looked so smooth
and in control .

1638
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:12,710
lt didn't look like it was
bothering you at all .

1639
01:01:12,782 --> 01:01:13,749
No, it didn't.

1640
01:01:13,817 --> 01:01:16,684
That was like. . .
monkeys throwing shit.

1641
01:01:16,753 --> 01:01:20,052
[ Laughter ]

1642
01:01:23,827 --> 01:01:25,522
Your stuff is great.
lt's really strong .

1643
01:01:25,595 --> 01:01:26,994
lt's really good .
Yeah , yeah .

1644
01:01:27,063 --> 01:01:29,861
l mean , it's --
it's a smooth transition .

1645
01:01:29,933 --> 01:01:32,527
l was saying how watching you --
like, l remember

1646
01:01:32,602 --> 01:01:35,093
what it means to have
that polish that l don't have.

1647
01:01:35,171 --> 01:01:38,038
You have it.
l think you don't realize it.

1648
01:01:38,108 --> 01:01:40,838
You know, the only thing
you do now that l see

1649
01:01:40,910 --> 01:01:44,073
is the pause is. . .
two seconds longer

1650
01:01:44,147 --> 01:01:45,671
as you move
to the next piece.

1651
01:01:45,749 --> 01:01:47,580
l was picking stuff tonight.
l wasn't sure what to do.

1652
01:01:47,650 --> 01:01:48,878
Yeah , yeah . l know.

1653
01:01:48,952 --> 01:01:50,715
But, l mean , to the audience,
it comes across

1654
01:01:50,787 --> 01:01:52,721
as a thoughtful pause
as opposed to comics --

1655
01:01:52,789 --> 01:01:55,917
you know, knowing , ''Oh , he's --''
[ lmitates tape rewinding ]

1656
01:01:55,992 --> 01:01:58,256
lt's amazing how long it takes
to get those out, how --

1657
01:01:58,328 --> 01:02:00,762
you know, l mean , some of
this stuff l'm doing six months,

1658
01:02:00,830 --> 01:02:03,298
but even that's like. . .

1659
01:02:03,366 --> 01:02:04,799
You know how it is.
lt takes you years.

1660
01:02:04,868 --> 01:02:06,460
lt takes years. lt's amazing .
lsn't it weird?

1661
01:02:06,536 --> 01:02:08,800
l could never do what you did .
l could never give it away.

1662
01:02:08,872 --> 01:02:11,466
'Cause you always have it
in the back --

1663
01:02:11,541 --> 01:02:14,635
You know, you always think
of your act as like. . .

1664
01:02:14,711 --> 01:02:17,680
lf you're a comic,
your act feeds you . . .

1665
01:02:17,747 --> 01:02:19,146
it pays the rent. . .

1666
01:02:19,215 --> 01:02:21,740
- Yeah , but not at this point.
- lt's like my exercise.

1667
01:02:21,818 --> 01:02:23,581
l walk two miles on--
but, see, l've never touched

1668
01:02:23,653 --> 01:02:24,984
a dime of my
''Tonight Show'' money.

1669
01:02:25,055 --> 01:02:26,454
l live on the money l make
as a comedian .

1670
01:02:26,523 --> 01:02:28,457
- What are you gonna do with it?
- l don't know.

1671
01:02:28,525 --> 01:02:30,550
You don't know?
Think about it.

1672
01:02:30,627 --> 01:02:31,525
lt keeps you centered .

1673
01:02:31,594 --> 01:02:34,028
Like if l get fired tomorrow,
l'm a comic.

1674
01:02:34,097 --> 01:02:37,123
lf you're a custodian -- if you
wind up as a custodian --

1675
01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:39,327
you're still living
with this fear

1676
01:02:39,402 --> 01:02:42,337
that you're gonna wind up
working as a garbageman .

1677
01:02:42,405 --> 01:02:43,463
Remember?

1678
01:02:43,540 --> 01:02:45,633
l know. He claims it.
He -- l swear.

1679
01:02:45,708 --> 01:02:46,902
But that's what keeps you going .

1680
01:02:46,976 --> 01:02:47,874
No, it doesn't!

1681
01:02:47,977 --> 01:02:51,140
lt's idiotic!
Stop it already.

1682
01:02:51,214 --> 01:02:53,114
l remember one time you had
a meeting in some office,

1683
01:02:53,183 --> 01:02:55,151
and you were talking to the
security guard for some reason

1684
01:02:55,218 --> 01:02:57,015
while you were waiting for the
elevator, and you're telling me,

1685
01:02:57,087 --> 01:02:59,954
''You know, this guy,
he was Jackie Kay back in --''

1686
01:03:00,023 --> 01:03:02,583
Oh , l remember that guy.
You know who that was.

1687
01:03:02,659 --> 01:03:05,526
lt was a guy that had
two series.

1688
01:03:05,595 --> 01:03:07,995
SElNFELD: You believe
that this is going to happen .

1689
01:03:08,064 --> 01:03:10,760
You don't really believe it,
but it just keeps you . . .

1690
01:03:10,834 --> 01:03:12,096
The only thing
that keeps you going is like --

1691
01:03:12,168 --> 01:03:14,762
to me, it's like,
l watch you do that great story

1692
01:03:14,838 --> 01:03:17,636
with your parents and the vCR --
that keeps me going .

1693
01:03:17,707 --> 01:03:19,868
l would love to have a story
that long .

1694
01:03:19,943 --> 01:03:22,377
Well , l enjoy doing the act
more than l enjoy doing any--

1695
01:03:22,445 --> 01:03:23,810
For example,
you said to me,

1696
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:25,939
''You can have all the money
that you would make

1697
01:03:26,015 --> 01:03:28,381
and not do the act,
or do the act.''

1698
01:03:28,451 --> 01:03:29,975
l'd do the act.

1699
01:03:30,053 --> 01:03:31,987
You like telling people a joke
that they haven't heard .

1700
01:03:32,055 --> 01:03:34,046
Yeah . l mean ,
it's fun telling jokes.

1701
01:03:34,124 --> 01:03:35,989
We used to talk about how it's
more fun than anything else.

1702
01:03:36,059 --> 01:03:37,890
So that's why you run around
and do the act all the time

1703
01:03:37,961 --> 01:03:39,155
when you're not doing
the show.

1704
01:03:39,229 --> 01:03:41,356
Yeah . lf you don't do it,
you don't have it.

1705
01:03:41,431 --> 01:03:42,830
What is this helmet with the --

1706
01:03:42,899 --> 01:03:45,231
that is very popular now
with the motorcycle riders?

1707
01:03:45,301 --> 01:03:46,734
You know the helmet l mean --

1708
01:03:46,803 --> 01:03:49,067
the slight flaring
around the back.

1709
01:03:49,139 --> 01:03:51,733
What the hell is going on here?

1710
01:03:51,808 --> 01:03:53,002
You know the helmet.

1711
01:03:53,076 --> 01:03:55,567
lt's not a full Nazi ,
but it's a slightly Nazi .

1712
01:03:55,645 --> 01:03:57,579
What is this shopping moment?

1713
01:03:57,647 --> 01:03:59,410
Can you explain to me
how this happens?

1714
01:03:59,482 --> 01:04:01,382
You walk into
a motorcycle store,

1715
01:04:01,451 --> 01:04:02,884
the man says, ''May l help you?''

1716
01:04:02,952 --> 01:04:05,182
''Yes. l need
a motorcycle helmet.''

1717
01:04:05,255 --> 01:04:06,722
''Well , we have
these regular ones over here.''

1718
01:04:06,789 --> 01:04:07,881
''No. Not for me.''

1719
01:04:07,957 --> 01:04:09,390
[ Laughter ]

1720
01:04:09,459 --> 01:04:11,324
''Well , let me ask you this,
sir --

1721
01:04:11,394 --> 01:04:13,191
How do you feel
about the Nazis?''

1722
01:04:13,263 --> 01:04:16,357
[ Laughter ]

1723
01:04:16,432 --> 01:04:18,662
''Well , to tell you the truth ,
l kind of had a problem

1724
01:04:18,735 --> 01:04:22,398
with the, uh , genocide, hatred ,
racism , and murder.''

1725
01:04:22,472 --> 01:04:23,564
''What about the helmets?''

1726
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:24,902
''They weren't bad .

1727
01:04:24,974 --> 01:04:26,737
l didn't mind the helmet.''

1728
01:04:26,809 --> 01:04:28,572
[ Laughter ]

1729
01:04:28,645 --> 01:04:31,079
''l didn't like Hitler, but
l don't think l had a problem

1730
01:04:31,147 --> 01:04:32,910
''with the apparel itself.

1731
01:04:32,982 --> 01:04:36,281
Yeah , l'll buy that.''

1732
01:04:36,352 --> 01:04:37,785
[ Laughter ]

1733
01:04:37,854 --> 01:04:41,950
l'm supposed to get the, uh ,
colonoscopy test.

1734
01:04:42,025 --> 01:04:44,789
When you get into your forties,
l think -- l've heard --

1735
01:04:44,861 --> 01:04:47,159
from health-care professionals
that you --

1736
01:04:47,230 --> 01:04:50,199
lt's very important to get
the camera up your ass.

1737
01:04:50,266 --> 01:04:52,757
l have resisted this. . .

1738
01:04:52,835 --> 01:04:56,601
because l feel the press has
invaded my life enough .

1739
01:04:56,673 --> 01:04:59,369
[ Laughter ]

1740
01:04:59,442 --> 01:05:01,376
[ Applause ]

1741
01:05:01,444 --> 01:05:05,710
l feel that l will draw
the line here. . .

1742
01:05:05,782 --> 01:05:08,216
and say no to the pooparazzi .

1743
01:05:08,284 --> 01:05:10,775
[ Laughter and applause ]

1744
01:05:10,853 --> 01:05:14,220
Thank you very much .

1745
01:05:14,290 --> 01:05:17,726
[ Cheers and applause ]

1746
01:05:17,794 --> 01:05:19,921
lncredible. Jerry. . .

1747
01:05:19,996 --> 01:05:21,429
You -- You got it.

1748
01:05:21,497 --> 01:05:23,260
- lt's looking good , huh?
- Oh , fantastic.

1749
01:05:23,333 --> 01:05:25,528
- Wasn't that amazing?
- lt was wall-to-wall laughs.

1750
01:05:25,668 --> 01:05:26,760
- Yeah .
- lt was sensational .

1751
01:05:26,836 --> 01:05:28,963
- lt's really looking good .
- l'm -- l'm thrilled .

1752
01:05:31,007 --> 01:05:32,065
[ Horn honks ]

1753
01:05:32,141 --> 01:05:34,200
l was thinking of doing
the ''Letterman'' spot --

1754
01:05:34,277 --> 01:05:36,245
a stand-up spot
on ''Letterman .''

1755
01:05:36,312 --> 01:05:41,215
l always kind of, uh ,
want to not do the typical --

1756
01:05:41,284 --> 01:05:44,344
Okay, someone's doing something ,
they go on Tv --

1757
01:05:44,420 --> 01:05:46,615
''Here l am ,
and here it is.

1758
01:05:46,689 --> 01:05:48,623
Here's the thing
that l'm doing .''

1759
01:05:48,691 --> 01:05:50,124
lt's interesting as can be,

1760
01:05:50,193 --> 01:05:52,525
because that's what comedians --
that's what we used to do.

1761
01:05:52,595 --> 01:05:54,756
You remember when Johnny didn't
call you over?

1762
01:05:54,831 --> 01:05:56,731
- Yeah . Yes.
- Were you upset?

1763
01:05:56,799 --> 01:05:59,791
l was upset once, when it was
like my third or fourth time,

1764
01:05:59,869 --> 01:06:01,200
and Johnny still didn't --

1765
01:06:01,271 --> 01:06:03,262
No, you got called over
very quickly, l remember.

1766
01:06:03,339 --> 01:06:05,432
No.
lt was the seventh time.

1767
01:06:05,508 --> 01:06:07,442
- Really?
- Yeah . l never forget.

1768
01:06:07,510 --> 01:06:09,444
Well , whatever it was,
it was sooner than me.

1769
01:06:09,512 --> 01:06:10,774
- No?
- Yeah . Definitely.

1770
01:06:10,847 --> 01:06:12,781
That would make me feel good ,
to be frank,

1771
01:06:12,849 --> 01:06:14,316
but l don't think
that's true.

1772
01:06:14,384 --> 01:06:15,681
l do.
l know it's true.

1773
01:06:15,752 --> 01:06:18,380
l've never wanted
a man's approval before then --

1774
01:06:18,454 --> 01:06:19,614
before Johnny.

1775
01:06:19,689 --> 01:06:23,523
[ Mid-tempo jazz plays
''My Favorite Things'' ]

1776
01:06:33,403 --> 01:06:37,134
[ Music continues ]

1777
01:06:37,206 --> 01:06:39,174
Yeah , it's a different show,

1778
01:06:39,242 --> 01:06:41,403
but it's the same theater,
same stage.

1779
01:06:41,477 --> 01:06:44,173
lt's incredible that l can
walk out on that same stage

1780
01:06:44,247 --> 01:06:45,680
and do what these guys did .

1781
01:06:45,748 --> 01:06:47,943
l was talking about you
the other night.

1782
01:06:48,017 --> 01:06:49,985
Chris Rock was here
talking to a friend of mine.

1783
01:06:50,053 --> 01:06:51,987
But l said , ''The last
fucking funny comedian

1784
01:06:52,055 --> 01:06:53,545
that l ever heard
was Seinfeld .''

1785
01:06:53,623 --> 01:06:54,715
[ Laughs ] Thank you .

1786
01:06:54,791 --> 01:06:55,723
- How you doing?
- Good .

1787
01:06:55,792 --> 01:06:56,884
- Good .
- Nice to meet you .

1788
01:06:56,959 --> 01:06:57,891
All right.

1789
01:06:57,960 --> 01:07:01,623
[ Music continues ]

1790
01:07:21,150 --> 01:07:25,348
[ Music continues ]

1791
01:07:25,421 --> 01:07:26,513
MAN : How you doing?

1792
01:07:26,589 --> 01:07:27,851
Hi .

1793
01:07:27,924 --> 01:07:31,382
Yeah , but l'm really
looking forward to this.

1794
01:07:31,461 --> 01:07:36,296
lt really has
thrown me back to. . .

1795
01:07:36,366 --> 01:07:39,301
1 982 .

1796
01:07:39,369 --> 01:07:41,803
Work a nice set,
buy a new suit, you know.

1797
01:07:41,871 --> 01:07:43,463
[ Both laugh ]

1798
01:07:43,539 --> 01:07:44,801
- Welcome back.
- Oh , good .

1799
01:07:44,874 --> 01:07:46,967
- We are so excited .
- So am l .

1800
01:07:47,043 --> 01:07:49,307
[ Laughter ]

1801
01:07:49,379 --> 01:07:52,371
[ lndistinct conversations ]

1802
01:07:57,954 --> 01:08:01,720
[ Horn playing ]

1803
01:08:01,791 --> 01:08:04,624
You're going to be
right here.

1804
01:08:08,097 --> 01:08:11,931
[ Up-tempo instrumental music
plays ]

1805
01:08:22,912 --> 01:08:24,004
[ Music stops ]

1806
01:08:24,080 --> 01:08:25,240
Fresh batteries?

1807
01:08:25,314 --> 01:08:26,838
[ Laughing ]
Yeah . Yes.

1808
01:08:26,916 --> 01:08:31,376
" What do you want
when you gotta have somethin' "

1809
01:08:31,454 --> 01:08:36,153
" And it's gotta be sweet
and it's gotta be a lot "

1810
01:08:36,225 --> 01:08:39,956
" And you've only got a dime? "

1811
01:08:40,029 --> 01:08:41,587
" Candy-coated pop-- "

1812
01:08:41,664 --> 01:08:43,962
MAN ON lNTERCOM: . . .minute
warning . CBS orchestra -- four.

1813
01:08:44,033 --> 01:08:46,126
" Peanuts and a prize "

1814
01:08:46,202 --> 01:08:50,639
" That's what you get
from Cracker Jack "

1815
01:08:56,412 --> 01:08:57,674
LETTERMAN :
Ladies and gentlemen ,

1816
01:08:57,747 --> 01:09:01,012
we'll be right back here
with Jerry Seinfeld .

1817
01:09:01,083 --> 01:09:03,483
[ Cheers and applause ]

1818
01:09:03,553 --> 01:09:05,817
- What do you want us to do?
- Oh , whatever you want.

1819
01:09:05,888 --> 01:09:07,981
You'd probably see it
just as well here.

1820
01:09:08,057 --> 01:09:10,048
Okay. [ Laughs ]

1821
01:09:11,060 --> 01:09:12,391
Sweet.

1822
01:09:14,230 --> 01:09:16,494
- Daddy, good luck!
- Wish me luck, sweet.

1823
01:09:16,566 --> 01:09:17,999
Bye, Daddy!

1824
01:09:18,067 --> 01:09:19,500
[ Laughs ]

1825
01:09:19,569 --> 01:09:21,764
LETTERMAN : Our first guest
has finally bounced back

1826
01:09:21,838 --> 01:09:24,170
from the cancellation
of his Tv show, ''Seinfeld .''

1827
01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:26,299
Ladies and gentlemen ,
here he is --

1828
01:09:26,375 --> 01:09:28,309
the one and only
Jerry Seinfeld .

1829
01:09:28,377 --> 01:09:29,674
MAN : Good luck.

1830
01:09:29,745 --> 01:09:32,509
[ Cheers and applause ]

1831
01:09:32,582 --> 01:09:37,076
[ Up-tempo instrumental music
plays ]

1832
01:09:40,523 --> 01:09:41,956
Thank you .

1833
01:09:42,024 --> 01:09:44,686
[ Cheers and applause ]

1834
01:09:47,196 --> 01:09:49,130
Thank you very much .

1835
01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:52,792
Thank you .

1836
01:09:52,869 --> 01:09:55,303
[ Applause continues ]

1837
01:09:55,371 --> 01:09:57,965
Thank you .
l appreciate that.

1838
01:09:58,040 --> 01:10:00,634
l totally appreciate
what you're saying .

1839
01:10:00,710 --> 01:10:02,644
[ Laughter ]

1840
01:10:02,712 --> 01:10:06,648
l do,
but the question is this --

1841
01:10:06,716 --> 01:10:08,775
What have l been doing?

1842
01:10:08,851 --> 01:10:10,341
[ Laughter ]

1843
01:10:10,419 --> 01:10:13,286
Everybody says to me, ''Hey,
you don't do the show anymore.

1844
01:10:13,356 --> 01:10:14,618
What do you do?''

1845
01:10:14,690 --> 01:10:16,624
l'll tell you what l do.

1846
01:10:16,692 --> 01:10:17,784
Nothing .

1847
01:10:17,860 --> 01:10:20,192
[ Laughter and applause ]

1848
01:10:25,535 --> 01:10:27,298
Yeah , l know
what you're thinking --

1849
01:10:27,370 --> 01:10:28,803
''That sounds pretty good .''

1850
01:10:28,871 --> 01:10:32,136
You're thinking , ''l might like
to do nothing myself.''

1851
01:10:32,208 --> 01:10:33,436
Well , let me tell you --

1852
01:10:33,509 --> 01:10:36,171
doing nothing is not as easy
as it looks.

1853
01:10:36,245 --> 01:10:38,179
You have to be careful ,

1854
01:10:38,247 --> 01:10:41,114
because the idea of doing
anything ,

1855
01:10:41,183 --> 01:10:44,550
which could easily lead to
doing something . . .

1856
01:10:44,620 --> 01:10:47,384
that would cut into
your nothing . . .

1857
01:10:47,456 --> 01:10:50,391
and that would force me
to have to drop everything .

1858
01:10:50,459 --> 01:10:52,586
[ Laughter and applause ]

1859
01:10:52,662 --> 01:10:53,754
Thank you .

1860
01:10:53,829 --> 01:10:55,319
very funny.

1861
01:10:55,398 --> 01:10:56,490
- lt's great.
- Thank you .

1862
01:10:56,566 --> 01:10:58,397
- Nicely done.
- Thank you .

1863
01:10:58,467 --> 01:11:00,367
lt felt like my first
''Tonight Show.''

1864
01:11:00,436 --> 01:11:02,495
Oh , really? That must have been
pretty great.

1865
01:11:02,572 --> 01:11:04,301
ln that l came off stage

1866
01:11:04,373 --> 01:11:06,341
and l have really no idea
what happened .

1867
01:11:06,409 --> 01:11:07,501
Really?

1868
01:11:07,577 --> 01:11:09,169
Did l seem normal
and comfortable?

1869
01:11:09,245 --> 01:11:10,610
- Yeah .
- Oh , yeah .

1870
01:11:10,680 --> 01:11:13,114
How strange that life comes
to full circle like that.

1871
01:11:13,182 --> 01:11:16,948
SElNFELD ON TELEvlSlON :
We're still looking for ways

1872
01:11:17,019 --> 01:11:19,954
to put more cheese
into a piece of pizza?

1873
01:11:20,022 --> 01:11:21,319
[ Laughter ]

1874
01:11:21,390 --> 01:11:23,722
The whole goddamn thing
is cheese anyway,

1875
01:11:23,793 --> 01:11:25,522
but now somebody figured out,

1876
01:11:25,595 --> 01:11:29,031
''We will injection-mold
the crust with cheese

1877
01:11:29,098 --> 01:11:32,192
''so you have a log of cheese

1878
01:11:32,268 --> 01:11:35,704
surrounding the pool of cheese
in the middle!''

1879
01:11:35,771 --> 01:11:39,673
[ Laughter and applause ]

1880
01:11:39,742 --> 01:11:42,210
Pizza Hut has developed
something new now.

1881
01:11:42,278 --> 01:11:46,044
They will actually bake your
head into a block of cheese. . .

1882
01:11:46,115 --> 01:11:49,278
and you just attempt to eat
your way out

1883
01:11:49,352 --> 01:11:52,116
and regain the use
of your five senses.

1884
01:11:52,188 --> 01:11:54,816
l just did things
that l wouldn't normally do --

1885
01:11:54,890 --> 01:11:57,984
little line --
little words that. . .

1886
01:11:58,060 --> 01:11:59,960
You know,
l just totally focused

1887
01:12:00,029 --> 01:12:02,327
on the little, tiny mistakes
that l made.

1888
01:12:02,398 --> 01:12:05,367
l got 30 phone calls, though ,
which is, like,

1889
01:12:05,434 --> 01:12:08,198
l think the most l ever had
in my life for anything .

1890
01:12:08,270 --> 01:12:09,737
With my HBO special ,

1891
01:12:09,805 --> 01:12:12,137
which was a hundred times
more difficult to do,

1892
01:12:12,208 --> 01:12:13,539
l got three calls.

1893
01:12:13,609 --> 01:12:15,372
[ Laughter ]

1894
01:12:15,444 --> 01:12:18,538
l don't know.
l guess it's just my nature.

1895
01:12:18,614 --> 01:12:21,674
l just. . .
lt's just never good enough .

1896
01:12:21,751 --> 01:12:25,744
[ lntro to The Band's ''When
l Paint My Masterpiece'' plays ]

1897
01:12:31,661 --> 01:12:35,654
" Oh , the streets of Rome. . . "

1898
01:12:35,731 --> 01:12:38,495
l am so excited
about this today.

1899
01:12:38,567 --> 01:12:40,159
Boy, is this exciting .

1900
01:12:40,236 --> 01:12:42,329
" Ancient footprints. . . "

1901
01:12:42,405 --> 01:12:44,532
- WOMAN : Pull straight ahead .
- Thank you .

1902
01:12:44,607 --> 01:12:49,442
l used to sit in my room at --
let's see.

1903
01:12:49,512 --> 01:12:51,776
How old --
l was 1 0 years old --

1904
01:12:51,847 --> 01:12:55,578
playing his albums
and just crying and laughing

1905
01:12:55,651 --> 01:12:59,246
and just in wonderment
at what he was doing and just. . .

1906
01:12:59,321 --> 01:13:02,586
that l had never heard somebody
be so funny before.

1907
01:13:02,658 --> 01:13:04,922
Say hello.
This is Gladys Rodgers.

1908
01:13:04,994 --> 01:13:06,427
- Just say hello.
- Hello. Gladys?

1909
01:13:06,495 --> 01:13:09,362
- Okay. That's enough .
- [ Laughs ]

1910
01:13:09,432 --> 01:13:11,866
l still have all those albums.

1911
01:13:11,934 --> 01:13:13,231
And it's just --

1912
01:13:13,302 --> 01:13:15,736
You can't believe
that life could be long enough

1913
01:13:15,805 --> 01:13:17,739
that you could ever even know
this person .

1914
01:13:17,807 --> 01:13:19,399
Do you normally do
two shows?

1915
01:13:19,475 --> 01:13:20,567
- Yes.
- Really?

1916
01:13:20,643 --> 01:13:22,634
Yeah ,
because of the theater.

1917
01:13:22,712 --> 01:13:24,907
- This is a small size for you?
- l would rather do --

1918
01:13:24,980 --> 01:13:26,572
l don't know what this is.

1919
01:13:26,649 --> 01:13:29,209
lt's 26, 2 7.

1920
01:13:29,285 --> 01:13:34,655
l'd rather do two of these
than one in an eight-seater,

1921
01:13:34,724 --> 01:13:36,658
- You know what l mean?
- Yeah .

1922
01:13:36,726 --> 01:13:38,489
This is a comfortable size.

1923
01:13:38,561 --> 01:13:41,325
l feel l can put
a little bit of this. . .

1924
01:13:41,397 --> 01:13:45,766
l can stop, l can go over here,
l can veer back,

1925
01:13:45,835 --> 01:13:47,996
l can come around the side.

1926
01:13:48,070 --> 01:13:49,765
This is normal for you --
a 2 :00 and an 8:00?

1927
01:13:49,839 --> 01:13:51,466
- Sure, sure, sure.
- Really?

1928
01:13:51,540 --> 01:13:53,770
- Wow.
- Sure.

1929
01:13:53,843 --> 01:13:54,775
l love it.

1930
01:13:54,844 --> 01:13:55,776
Do you?

1931
01:13:55,845 --> 01:13:58,746
l . . .l just. . .love it.

1932
01:13:58,814 --> 01:14:00,076
That is a physical effort --

1933
01:14:00,149 --> 01:14:02,083
to do two of those shows
in one day.

1934
01:14:02,151 --> 01:14:04,642
That is quite
a physical effort.

1935
01:14:07,123 --> 01:14:11,253
Two hours and twenty minutes.
Jesus Christ.

1936
01:14:11,327 --> 01:14:13,761
lsn't it fun . . .

1937
01:14:13,829 --> 01:14:19,290
that you have taken . . .

1938
01:14:19,368 --> 01:14:24,806
what is comedy
and what is you , and . . .

1939
01:14:24,874 --> 01:14:29,868
now you -- you have
a body of work that, um . . .

1940
01:14:29,945 --> 01:14:32,778
l mean , you can go
to any bar,

1941
01:14:32,848 --> 01:14:36,045
you can be like 7 0 years old ,
you know,

1942
01:14:36,118 --> 01:14:40,782
and you can stand
beside Bill Russell . . .

1943
01:14:40,856 --> 01:14:41,948
[ Laughs ]

1944
01:14:42,024 --> 01:14:43,787
- Muhammad Ali . . .
- [ Laughs ]

1945
01:14:43,859 --> 01:14:46,453
Willie Mays, Joe Louis. . .

1946
01:14:46,529 --> 01:14:48,156
and when those guys
are saying ,

1947
01:14:48,230 --> 01:14:50,323
''you know, l played the shit
out of my game,''

1948
01:14:50,399 --> 01:14:52,993
you say, ''You know,
l knocked the shit out of. . .

1949
01:14:53,068 --> 01:14:54,899
- [ Laughs ]
- You know what l mean?

1950
01:14:54,970 --> 01:15:00,875
l . . .l think
it's one of the great moments

1951
01:15:00,943 --> 01:15:03,878
of. . .of being a performer

1952
01:15:03,946 --> 01:15:06,574
when you can say,

1953
01:15:06,649 --> 01:15:09,846
''You know,
l took what l had . . .

1954
01:15:09,919 --> 01:15:11,944
and l knocked it out
of the park.''

1955
01:15:12,021 --> 01:15:14,353
And that's
what you've done.

1956
01:15:16,725 --> 01:15:18,989
lt is one of the greatest
thrills of my career

1957
01:15:19,061 --> 01:15:20,528
that l even know you .

1958
01:15:20,596 --> 01:15:22,063
Thank you .

1959
01:15:29,805 --> 01:15:34,333
l've already done something ,
and he reminded me of that,

1960
01:15:34,410 --> 01:15:37,379
and now, this -- l really just
want to do what l love to do,

1961
01:15:37,446 --> 01:15:41,382
and l want to go
where he's gone, you know?

1962
01:15:41,450 --> 01:15:43,918
l want to be able to explore
this thing

1963
01:15:43,986 --> 01:15:46,477
and maybe find some --
that's what l keep thinking --

1964
01:15:46,555 --> 01:15:48,682
that maybe there's
something else out there.

1965
01:15:48,757 --> 01:15:49,689
Ah !

1966
01:15:49,758 --> 01:15:51,885
lt's worth trying .
lt's worth exploring .

1967
01:15:53,128 --> 01:15:56,063
l just feel like l can go
somewhere with it.

1968
01:15:56,131 --> 01:15:58,122
l don't know where.

1969
01:15:58,200 --> 01:16:02,694
[ lntroduction to Steely Dan's
''Deacon Blues'' plays ]

1970
01:16:11,981 --> 01:16:17,385
" This is the day
of the expanding man "

1971
01:16:20,055 --> 01:16:25,254
" That shape is my shade
there where l used to stand "

1972
01:16:25,327 --> 01:16:28,922
How could you possibly make
all these people laugh?

1973
01:16:28,998 --> 01:16:31,228
Oh , God damn it,
l hate the pressure.

1974
01:16:31,300 --> 01:16:33,097
Oh , please.

1975
01:16:33,168 --> 01:16:35,762
" l gaze through the glass "

1976
01:16:35,838 --> 01:16:39,365
" At ramblers, wild gamblers "

1977
01:16:39,441 --> 01:16:42,604
" That's all in the past "

1978
01:16:45,014 --> 01:16:47,175
" You call me a fool "

1979
01:16:47,249 --> 01:16:50,741
" You say it's a crazy scheme "

1980
01:16:53,355 --> 01:16:55,585
" This one's for real . . . "

1981
01:16:55,658 --> 01:16:58,650
[ Applause ]

1982
01:17:01,196 --> 01:17:02,458
House lights.

1983
01:17:02,531 --> 01:17:03,759
[ Laughs ]

1984
01:17:05,267 --> 01:17:09,533
" Throw a kiss
and say goodbye "

1985
01:17:09,605 --> 01:17:13,541
" l'll make it this time "

1986
01:17:13,609 --> 01:17:15,304
[ Cheers and applause ]

1987
01:17:15,377 --> 01:17:18,869
All l gotta do is get
that mike out clean , don't l?

1988
01:17:20,549 --> 01:17:22,642
That's all l gotta do. . .

1989
01:17:22,718 --> 01:17:24,709
and l'm back in show business.

1990
01:17:24,787 --> 01:17:25,981
" . . .just what l feel "

1991
01:17:26,055 --> 01:17:31,288
" Drink Scotch whisky
all night long "

1992
01:17:31,360 --> 01:17:34,921
[ Cheers and applause ]

1993
01:17:34,997 --> 01:17:36,828
All right. Here we go.

1994
01:17:38,968 --> 01:17:42,233
" l want a name when l lose "

1995
01:17:42,304 --> 01:17:46,206
[ Cheers and applause ]

1996
01:17:48,477 --> 01:17:50,911
" Call me Deacon Blues "

1997
01:17:50,980 --> 01:17:52,242
Thank you .

1998
01:17:52,314 --> 01:17:54,544
[ Cheers fade ]

1999
01:17:56,618 --> 01:17:58,552
" A stick, a stone "

2000
01:17:58,620 --> 01:18:00,383
" lt's the end of the road "

2001
01:18:00,456 --> 01:18:02,549
" lt's feeling alone "

2002
01:18:02,624 --> 01:18:04,057
" lt's the weight
of your load "

2003
01:18:04,126 --> 01:18:05,889
" lt's a sliver of glass "

2004
01:18:05,961 --> 01:18:07,895
" lt's life, it's the sun "

2005
01:18:07,963 --> 01:18:09,897
" lt's night, it's death "

2006
01:18:09,965 --> 01:18:11,728
" lt's a knife, it's a gun "

2007
01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:15,566
" A flower that blooms,
a fox in the brush "

2008
01:18:15,637 --> 01:18:19,232
" A knot in the wood ,
the song of a thrush "

2009
01:18:19,308 --> 01:18:23,244
" The mystery of life,
the steps in the hall "

2010
01:18:23,312 --> 01:18:26,577
" The sound of the wind
and the waterfall "

2011
01:18:26,648 --> 01:18:28,707
" lt's the moon floating free "

2012
01:18:28,784 --> 01:18:30,581
" lt's the curve of the slope "

2013
01:18:30,652 --> 01:18:32,244
" lt's an ant, it's a bee "

2014
01:18:32,321 --> 01:18:34,050
" lt's a reason for hope "

2015
01:18:34,123 --> 01:18:37,923
" And the riverbank sings
of the waters of March "

2016
01:18:37,993 --> 01:18:42,589
" lt's the promise of spring ,
it's the joy in your heart "

2017
01:18:42,664 --> 01:18:46,600
[ lnstrumental solos ]

2018
01:18:48,637 --> 01:18:51,629
[ Singing in ltalian ]

2019
01:19:11,927 --> 01:19:15,522
" A spear, a spike, a stake,
a nail "

2020
01:19:15,597 --> 01:19:17,189
" lt's a drip, it's a drop "

2021
01:19:17,266 --> 01:19:19,359
" lt's the end of the tale "

2022
01:19:19,435 --> 01:19:22,632
" The dew on the leaf
in the morning light "

2023
01:19:22,704 --> 01:19:26,640
" The shot of a gun
in the dead of the night "

2024
01:19:26,708 --> 01:19:30,109
" A mile, a must, a thrust,
a bump "

2025
01:19:30,179 --> 01:19:32,170
" lt's the will to survive "

2026
01:19:32,247 --> 01:19:34,010
" lt's a jolt, it's a jump "

2027
01:19:34,083 --> 01:19:36,017
" The blueprint of a house "

2028
01:19:36,085 --> 01:19:37,518
" A body in bed "

2029
01:19:37,586 --> 01:19:39,520
" A car stuck in the mud "

2030
01:19:39,588 --> 01:19:41,522
" lt's the mud , it's the mud "

2031
01:19:41,590 --> 01:19:45,026
" A fish , a flash , a wish ,
a wing "

2032
01:19:45,094 --> 01:19:46,652
" lt's a hawk, it's a dove "

2033
01:19:46,728 --> 01:19:48,662
" lt's the promise of spring "

2034
01:19:48,730 --> 01:19:52,325
" And the riverbank sings
of the waters of March "

2035
01:19:52,401 --> 01:19:56,337
" lt's the end of despair,
it's the joy in your heart "

2036
01:19:56,405 --> 01:19:58,669
[ lnstrumental solos ]

2037
01:20:26,768 --> 01:20:30,704
[ Singing in ltalian ]

2038
01:20:49,224 --> 01:20:51,215
" A stick, a stone "

2039
01:20:51,293 --> 01:20:53,227
" lt's the end of the road "

2040
01:20:53,295 --> 01:20:56,162
" The stump of a tree. . . "

2041
01:20:56,231 --> 01:20:58,893
[ lndistinct conversations ]

2042
01:21:01,470 --> 01:21:02,732
Funny guy.

2043
01:21:02,804 --> 01:21:06,638
He had one of my favorite jokes
of all time --

2044
01:21:06,708 --> 01:21:08,869
How can you trust a jury?

2045
01:21:08,944 --> 01:21:10,536
A jury is made up
of 1 2 people

2046
01:21:10,612 --> 01:21:12,204
too stupid to get out
of jury duty.

2047
01:21:12,281 --> 01:21:14,215
Oh , Colin .

2048
01:21:14,283 --> 01:21:16,308
That's old , man .
Really old .

2049
01:21:16,385 --> 01:21:18,649
lt's old now, but maybe
he's the one that wrote it.

2050
01:21:18,720 --> 01:21:19,982
No.

2051
01:21:20,055 --> 01:21:21,920
How old is it?

2052
01:21:21,990 --> 01:21:24,686
The '50s.